Bragging.

Even though it's been a couple of weeks since Valentine's Day, I needed to take a minute to brag about my husband. Better late than never.
We're not huge Valentine's Day people. We always do something but it usually doesn't involve spending much money, if any. We don't like to buy into the commercial end of the "holiday". This year, my sweet husband surprised me with a dozen roses, a picnic at the beach park, a pedicure and a massage (for both of us). Ok, so he spent a little bit of money but I'm not complaining!
It was all a complete surprise because I thought he had to work. When I found out, by accident (he was trying to make it a surprise that he was not working), that he didn't, I thought that was my gift, a day with him before I had to fly to San Diego the next day. Instead, while I was in the shower, he left the house and just left me a note, with the dozen roses, instructing me to go down to the beach park. He had the picnic set up by the waterway, which was delicious and beautiful.
I thought THAT was my gift, which was more than enough.
He then gave me a card with the next part of the day, which was the pedicure and the couples massage at a spa in Sarasota. It was the perfect day.
I'm not sure what I did to deserve this man. I question that often. He is so amazing and takes such good care of me in a lot of ways. I hope Lily is just like him.

Dustin has recently been working on this:

It isn't finished yet. He needs to add a couple of embellishments (butterflies and lady bugs) and then I'm going to hang them separately over her changing table with green ribbon. Yes, he has a couple of unfinished projects in her room but I am working on accepting the fact that his art work needs to be done in his own time =).

Belly update:

I started taking the pictures a little further away from the camera because the naked belly is starting to look pretty creepy!
I'm going into my 28th week now, which means the FINAL trimester. For those of you that don't understand pregnancy weeks, that essentially means that I am going to be a mom in 9-12 weeks! That sounds impossible to me!
I'm feeling good. The fatigue is starting to come back quite a bit but I was warned about that happening. Breathing can sometimes be a challenge because everything is getting squished in my body right now but it's definitely nothing to complain about.
I had my last doctor's appointment this past Wednesday and everything went well. I'm still measuring a week ahead of time, which really means very little, unfortunately! I only gained 3lbs between appointments this time, which was the least weight gain yet (phew!!). I guess a little exercise and some cutting back on Chick-fil-a DOES actually work =)

My aunt and uncle from Chicago have been in town for almost a month, which has been so great having them around. When they're here, it makes me miss having a bunch of family near by, which has been years since that was the case. I think pregnancy has really made me appreciate family and friends so much more. I just want to always be around all the supportive people I have in my life right now.

Speaking of friends, the baby shower countdown is on! 3 weeks from tomorrow and 13 FIFs to look forward to! I cannot believe it! We're so excited!

"Describe what kind of parent you would like to be"

This was the instruction of this week's activity in my pregnancy journal. I sat, with pen in hand, for about a half hour, trying to answer this. I think the instruction is too broad for my analytical mind but it inspired a blog post anyway.

I was certainly reminded of what kind of parent that I don't want to be, tonight, as I took long walk around my neighborhood...
I passed by a house, that was clearly not the cleanest, with a early 20's guy sitting on his front porch with an infant sitting on his lap. The baby couldn't have been older than 9 or 10 months old. The guy was smoking a cigarette, which annoyed me tremendously.
In the driveway, only steps away from the guy with the child, was the baby's mama putting a car seat in a car, and another woman, both also early 20's.
The guy sitting on the porch was screaming at the woman, spitting as he yelled, "You're a fucking whore, just like Amber! Every woman I have ever been with has been a piece of shit, including you! This kid is going to be a piece of shit, just like you! You're a whore, you bitch..." and so on.
The young woman's face was expressionless at first, until she saw me. Then her expression changed to embarrassed and possibly sad. I slowed my pace down a little just to make sure this woman, and child, were not going to be physically hurt and I asked if the woman needed anything. Her friend replied "No, they're ok. This happens".
This made me so sad as I walked away, still able to hear the guy screaming. I can't help but fear for our Lily to have to share a neighborhood with a product of a household such as that one.
That is the parent I will never be. That is the easy part.

Anyway, this whole activity first brought to my mind a quote that I read in a magazine, "I was a great parent before I had children". I thought that was a brilliant quote because clearly, this woman is similar to me...judgmental. In my adult life, specifically in the past few years, I have noticed that I find it easy to think to myself, "my God, why is that woman letting her kid throw a tantrum??", or, "seriously? You're allowing your 2 year old CHILD to make their own decision on what to eat for lunch at a restaurant?".

Those examples are that of strangers. Now, when it comes to my friends, I find that I have been a little more open minded, hoping I can learn something from them. Truth be told, I do still judge though. I suppose it's human nature or maybe it's just me?

Whatever the case, I do have this ideal in my mind that I will be pretty laid back and easy going so my child will be the same. I don't want to be strictly regimented when Lily is an infant. I want her to abide by our schedule, as much as possible, and not the other way around. I do not want to schedule bath time when she is an infant, as I am excited to smell her natural smell after a day or two without soap touching her skin. I would like to get SOME sleep when she sleeps, if at all possible, and not be too anal about housework during those moments.

As she gets older...this is where I have more difficulty explaining the type of parent I'd like to be, because let's face it, parenting is the most difficult job on earth. So I needed to start thinking of examples of good parents and what better examples than our own parents? I think we all know that our parents screwed up in one way or another, but all did their best.

In my mind, my parents did a great job and I hope to model most of my parenting after theirs. Sure, my mom could have been a little less smothering and sure, I would have liked a sibling, but overall, they had the right idea. They balanced being parents and friends, which is a tricky thing to do. Although I am an only child, they managed to instill a good work ethic and were able to curb my bratiness in front of others...most of the time! I will consider it a compliment if someone says, "you are just like your mother".

To conclude this rambling mess, I just want to be a good mom. I expect my kid to hate me at times and to also need me during others. I don't have false expectations. I know the job ahead of me is going to be the most challenging of my life. I just hope to use all of the good role models I have had throughout my life to formulate my parenting skills.

I'm scared shitless but I'm ready.

In other news...

I promised in my last post that I do, indeed, have a life outside of pregnancy. Airplanes. That has been it in a nutshell. I have had to fly to San Diego twice in the past two weeks. Once for an interview and once for a formal orientation for a company that I have been technically working for for over three years!

The first trip out, Dustin came with and we made a nice weekend out of it. We had dinner with friends, two out of the three nights, and went to San Diego Zoo. It was nice and relaxing, especially for Dustin. I think he slept 99.9% of the weekend, which he needed.





Traveling is always so interesting and exhausting to me. I always end up sitting next to the person who brings hard boiled eggs or some other smelly substance. On my second trip out, it was an old lady with egg salad and fake, drawn in eyebrows. She was a little scary and did not stop staring at me the entire flight. Maybe she was attracted to my pregnant belly? Maybe I reminded her of someone? I don't know. I always like to make these observations while traveling though. It helps pass the time. I think of how I would write my experience in a novel form each time I'm on a long flight. What characters would I create? Who would be the lead? I think of weird shit like that.


So, about my job...It's a complicated story but to give you Cliff Notes, I got a new job working directly for the company that my previous employers used to distribute for. I am now a "direct sales rep" with BREG. It's a very good thing. BREG is a great company with great staff. I feel very supported by everyone there and I am basically doing the same job as I have been, with a few more rules.

I'm not so sure if I'll make an outstanding corporate employee, merely for the fact that I am so independent and have had a ton of autonomy with my last employer, but I am determined to make it work and absorb myself in it. It will be different, but a good different in a lot of ways. The most exciting part? Health insurance. I have fabulous health insurance. The little things excite me now.

I am now in direct competition with my previous employers, which should be interesting. They were not happy to see me go but I'll just say that they had their chance to make things work. All in all, this was a good move for me and my family.

Definitely still a Lily!

We did the 4D ultrasound yesterday and I have to say, it was amazing and I'm so glad we did it. It isn't the still pictures that I'm impressed by, it was the whole process of seeing EXACTLY what she is doing in there. It was incredible.

Dustin and my good friend Tiffany went with me and I'm so glad they were able to experience seeing the whole thing. At first, the tech just had a regular 2D image of Lily's profile up on the screen (it was a HUGE 52" flat screen t.v.) and we were all thinking "mmmmm, ok? so?". Then she switched it over to 4D and it took all of our breath away to actually see her. She is certainly active in there, moving her arms all around, flexing, stretching, swallowing....just amazing.
Yes, I have to eat my words. I thought these 4D things were SUPER creepy before but now I see why everyone suggested we do one.

Here are some of the best pictures:

I thing she'll have my eyes.

Resting her head in her hand.

She already has Dustin's lips, for sure, and maybe his nose?

While we were at this ultrasound open house event, they had a photographer there taking some maternity pictures. For $20 she gave 10 images on a disc. Although we weren't dressed for it, we thought for $20 it would be fun to get a couple of shots. They aren't great pictures but whatever. It was fun.

I start my 25th week pf pregnancy tomorrow! 15 more weeks, give or take and we will be parents. Unreal. I cannot wait to meet her. This whole thing seems surreal to me but seeing her yesterday gave me a dose of reality. So much to do, so much to think about. It's very exciting.

I actually have other things to post about, other than baby related, if you can believe it. I don't want to overload this post so I'll save it but I just wanted to mention it so everyone knows that I actually DO have a life outside of pregnancy. Sometimes that's even hard for ME to believe!

It better still be a girl!

I have been hearing all of these stories about pregnant women that are told they are carrying a girl, around their 17-19th week, only to find out at a later ultrasound that it is actually a boy!

This has made me so nervous (due to all of the work we've done on the room and registering) that I actually scheduled a 4D ultrasound for February 7th! I got a coupon in the mail (yes, a coupon for an ultrasound. You get some weird stuff in the mail when retailers find out you're pregnant) so I decided to just go ahead and do it. I'll be almost 25 weeks at that point so there shouldn't be much room for error!

In some ways this pregnancy has flown by so far. When I was going through my belly pics, I found my earliest one at 6 weeks and decided to compare it to this week, going into my 23rd:

I can't believe the difference from September to January....and look how much tanner I was! Damn!

Nursery progress:
The furniture is all together. We're just waiting on the rocking chair glider. Dustin did an awesome job on it and the painting too. He started playing around with free handing some water lilies:

I love it. It's simple and child like, just like I envisioned. Of course, my art perfectionist husband thinks it's too amateur but he seems to forget this is for a newborn!

Furniture:

This room is super hard to take pics of but you get the idea. Ignore the blue painting tape around the baseboards.






The pic above is just so everyone can see how much I've changed overall. The only part of me that hasn't grown much is my arms. No one ever told me that your ass gets huge during pregnancy. Maybe it's just me? I hear these pregnant girls saying that they are still in their pre-pregnancy jeans at 18 weeks. It makes me very envious. I won't even say when I grew out of mine!
The pic below is Lily's first shower gift from her Auntie Gina, who was visiting from Chicago last weekend. Lily is going to be one spoiled little girl, I can already see it. This basket was filled with great stuff for her.

The baby shower date is set for March 21st and I am over the moon excited. We're doing a non-traditional couples shower, back yard BBQ style. Dustin really wanted to be there and we figured this would be the best way! My amazing mom and friends are planning it and so many people are flying in from so many different places. A bunch of my FIFs (freaky internet friends) are coming and I will be meeting a few of them for the first time! This group of women have been amazingly supportive and present in the last year and a half of my life and I am so excited that they want to be a part of this. We feel so lucky.

Random Updates...

It's amazing how much a woman can lose herself in pregnancy. Honestly, I feel like there isn't anything going on in my life except for being pregnant. It's crazy. I guess it's more of the fact that everything else has kind of taken a back seat to the pregnancy/baby planning.

There is hardly a moment in each day that I am not somehow thinking about being pregnant. Just when I get absorbed into something else, I am somehow reminded that I am pregnant by a swift kick to the bladder or an ache in my back. Not to mention my ever growing belly and the fact that I hardly recognize my own reflection in the mirror. I am not mentioning any of these things in a negative light. They are all amazing in their own right, trust me. Feeling Lily move around, especially on a particularly active day, is indescribable. It's exciting and reassuring to say the least.

I have noticed how much I have gravitated to my previously pregnant friends and how much more significant they are in my life (not that they were any less special or important before but now so more than ever). I can feel a small division growing between me and some, not all, of my non-mom or non-pregnant friends, which makes me a little sad but I think it's par for the course at this stage of life.

I was trying to think of something, anything, else to blog about...but I fail. About the only other things that are happening in our lives right now, besides the baby planning, are 1.) planning a small weekend getaway in February and 2.) the continued planning of our anniversary trip to Costa Rica in September.

We decided to stay local for our February getaway and go up to St. Augustine/Jacksonville to spend some time with friends. It will just be a three night weekend and we are so looking forward to getting out of town.
As always, we are beyond excited to get back to Costa Rica. I actually had a dream about Dustin and I taking Lily there as an infant. SEE! I can't even dream without the baby being in my thoughts!

I'm almost 22 weeks now and feeling the best now that I have the whole pregnancy. I have more energy and I am enjoying food A LOT...so much so that my weight gain is a little, well, a lot on the high end! I had my monthly doctor's appointment the first week in January and I need to slow the weight gain down a bit! Not a terribly difficult thing to do. I know what I'm doing wrong. Eating Chik-fil-a more than once or twice a week and hardly exercising is probably where my problem is (:sarcasm:). I have started walking a few nights a week again and I am trying to eat a bit healthier. I have to be honest though, eating a salad for lunch does not cut it for me. I need substance! I'll find a balance...I hope!

Dustin has been working on the nursery and I have ordered the furniture. The crib bedding came a couple weeks ago and we are so excited about all of the decorating. Dustin is loving designing things to paint on her walls.

The bottom color is a little more pink than we anticipated. It was called "Drama Violet", and looked a bit more purple in the sample, but it will look great with all of the dark purple accents. The top color is actually a very light green, not yellow as it appears in the pictures.

This is the bedding and the dark purple color is what Dustin is going to use to freehand some butterflies and dragonflies all around the top portion of the walls. He's going to put some water lilies on the bottom too.


And here's Bear with his violet butt. He had to see what was going on while papa was painting and mom was in there talking to him. Opps.

Dear Lily,

I'm sure you know this by now but your mom likes to write. I have been writing in a pregnancy journal, as well as doing this blog, in hopes that someday you will enjoy reading these things and enjoy laughing at me. Writing is how I have always expressed my feelings, so, this is the only way I know how to express how I feel about you, while you're still growing inside of me.

The reason why I'm writing this in letter form to you was actually a suggestion of my pregnancy journal. It suggested that I tell you how I feel about you now and mys hope for your future. I thought it was a great idea.

The first thing I want you to know about is the love that created you. Not all children enjoy hearing about their parents' love story so I won't say too much. Just know this, I was excited about you since the moment I looked into your dad's eyes. It took us almost six years to decide we were ready for you but we always knew that we wanted and needed you in our lives. Your dad is such an amazing person and I knew that having his child would be the greatest gift of my life.

I feel so many things as I carry you, it's truly such an amazing experience. I feel blessed, elated, anxious, worried, happy, and special. I am already a changed woman for carrying you for the past 20 weeks and I imagine you will continue to change me in so many ways from here on out. Pregnancy is a fragile state, as your grandma describes it, and I feel like I am a part of some elite club for being able to have you inside of me. I hope you will chose to experience all of this when you find someone you love enough to share this with.

I hope you have your dad's eyes, his smile, his laugh, his athletic ability, his calm demeanor and his book smarts. I know he will take good care of you, always, and you will be "daddy's girl". I hope that you love surfing as much as he does so you will have that to share with him. If not surfing, I know he will support whatever it is that you do love, just like he does with me.

I hope you have my organization skills, business sense, communication skills, and my good heart. I hope to be a strong female role model for you so you can be assertive and a good judge of character. I hope we can bond through a mutual love of something, such as, yoga, the outdoors, traveling, writing, dog loving, or possibly just communicating effectively.

I hope, as parents, we will influence you to be non-judgmental, honest, assertive, confident, street smart, expressive, independent, active and so much more. We will instill strong family values in you and hope you will always find comfort in us. We will always try to guide you down the right path and empower you to make good choices. Know that we won't always make the right decisions as parents, but we will be learning through you, so go easy on us.

My purpose in life now is to ensure your health and happiness. That is all I want for you throughout your whole life. Grow strong in my womb so you can grow strong thereafter. We love you already and will love you unconditionally your whole life. Thank you for growing inside of me and being whoever you are going to be.

Life as we know it will never be the same after your arrival and we can't wait to introduce you to our world.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

20 weeks.