Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I was going to make this a post to bitch. A post to bitch about how much I have on my plate and how some people in my life don't seem to understand what being a full time working mom is really about.

The itch to do this was ignited by two emails I received this week, from two separate people, asking if they've done something wrong because I haven't called them back.

Neither of these people have children so I am deciding not to bitch.

I too was once, not so long ago, a childless adult that also questioned why I wouldn't hear from my friends with children. I would think to myself, "that kid HAS to nap, why can't they call me then?", or something similar.

I get it now.

Instead, I want to post this in appreciation to all of my friends and family, moms or non-moms, that have been so understanding of why I haven't called or have only been able to keep in touch sporadically. I can't tell you what it means to me to have the support system that I do. It's amazing. So, thank you...

Thank you to the friends that I only speak to once every six months, but we pick up right where we left off. I love that.

Thank you to my friends that understand when Lily is screaming bloody murder that I have to get off the phone, right then and there.

Thank you to my family that will still call to check on me every few weeks, even though I only return every 4th phone call, but never question me.

Thank you to my mommy friends that will let me make the entire conversation about Lily because I really need some support in that moment.

Thank you to my friends that understand my selfishness when it relates to Lily.

Thank you to my friends that live close, that happen to not have children, that come over and not only tolerate Lily's screaming but do everything you can to help.

Just, thank you.

Having a baby has been the most intense challenge of my life so far. I'm so fortunate to have family and friends close to make it easier. That is priceless. I will say that most of my friends made parenting look so easy. These people are super heroes to me....actually, all moms are super heroes to me!

To those that think having a baby is just an excuse to not stay in touch, or something of the like, I hope you can experience this someday. Not to see how challenging it is but to see how absolutely beautiful it is. To see that there is NOTHING in the world that you would rather do than to smell your baby's head and sing her a song while rocking her. To see that getting 5 hours of broken sleep a night is worth it just to look at her smile at you at 5am in the light of her nightlight. To see that working a ten hour day is totally worth it because you know you are able to provide her with things she needs and wants. To see that rolling over and giggling are the most gorgeous things to see and hear. To see that everything else in life is quite trivial and that spending every possible second with her is indeed what matters.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Dear Lily,

One year ago yesterday, I found out I was pregnant with you. I can't believe it has been a year already. Your dad and I wanted you so badly but knew we might have to be patient. Little did we know we would be so fortunate, so quickly!

Just like my letters to you in the past, this may be more information than you care to know about your mom and you, but I love remembering. Since it's still fresh in my mind, I want to document it in case you ever ask about it. If you're anything like me, you will be nosy and want to know everything about your childhood! This will be a letter for you to read when you're older, maybe even when you get married and decide you want to have a child.

I remember it like it was yesterday...
It was a Tuesday and I had been feeling a little weird for about a week. My body was just not itself. I decided to just take a pregnancy test but I was thinking that certainly couldn't be what I was feeling. It just seemed too early.

Your dad was at the grocery store so I was just home, working in my office, when I decided to take the test. I left the test in the bathroom for quite a while, not paying a whole lot of attention, expecting it to be negative. When I went back in to check it, sure enough there were two faint lines! I remember laughing for several minutes, telling Bear that I was pregnant, trying to call your dad who had a bad habit of never answering his cell phone and finally, tears of happiness and a phone call to your grandma, who was the very first person to find out the news. I don't remember much of my conversation with her but I do know there was a lot of giggling and "Oh.My.God."'s said.

Your dad finally got home, about 10 minutes later, and I met him in the driveway with the news. We were both so excited but also in disbelief that we had been so fortunate so quickly. It was amazing and one of the happiest days of my life.

I don't remember much else from that day, aside from the fact that I couldn't concentrate and I wanted to tell the whole world! Your dad was so excited that 10 days later, at our local wedding reception, he announced it to our 135 guests! We have that on video for you to watch someday.

My first doctor's appointment was on October 6, 2008. I was 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I saw you on the ultra sound screen, I saw your little heart beating. It was incredible. This is what you looked like then, the size of a grain of rice:

And now, here we are, a year later. You're 4 months old already, 14lbs 10oz and about 25inches tall:

You are such a personality now. Here is what you're up to these days:
  • You are grasping things, in your beautiful little hands, just to put everything in your mouth.
  • You love shiny objects.
  • You are "talking" all of the time, communicating with us.
  • You are loving the books we read to you and Baby Einstein videos that I play for you on the computer once in awhile.
  • You rolled over about 2 weeks ago from your back to your belly.
  • You are laughing, a big hearty laugh, which started about 4 weeks ago.
  • You LOVE being social and going everywhere we do, especially the beach which is a new found love for you.
  • You love cat napping in your dad's spot on the couch, all curled up on his pillows.
  • You are responding to everything we do and try to mimic our facial expressions and sounds often.
  • You love those little blankets with the stuffed animals attached (I know there's a name for them!).
  • You love everything musical.
You're getting more and more amazing everyday. Right now, you're sitting on my lap watching me type with such curiosity and fascination. It's so much fun to watch you.

I love you more than words can say.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Costa Rica: Chapter 4

We just got back from our forth trip to Costa Rica on Tuesday night. Another amazing trip.

Before I get into the trip itself...no, we didn't bring Lily with us and yes, my parents stayed here with her and Bear. It's funny how people react when I tell them Lily stayed home. I guess it makes me a little weird that I think it's a healthy thing to do, spending time alone with your spouse after having a child. After all, it was just the two of us for many years. Reconnecting is important and I will always put us first. If we're strong as a couple, we'll be stronger as parents. I truly believe that. I did buy this trip back in December, when I was 5 months pregnant and in retrospect, it was good foresight on my part that we would need the break. Being that Dustin and I work opposite schedules, we don't have a lot of time to connect at all so the 6 nights away were good for us. I think we'll be doing this once a year, even just a long weekend.

The funny thing is that although I believe all of that and feel strongly about it, I still feel guilty for leaving Lily. I know she was in perfect hands and at this age, she doesn't even know the difference but I still had a nagging guilty feeling. We missed her so much, it hurt a little. We were able to Skype with her every night (thank God for technology), which was great, and she was so happy with grandma and grandpa. I really need to get over the guilt!

Anyway, the trip....
We had a blast, as usual. This was the first time we stayed in one location, Playa Hermosa just outside of Jaco, and just relaxed. No tours, no wedding, no hiking, just relaxation. Of course, Dustin surfed for about 7 hours a day but that IS his relaxation.

We met a lot of very cool people this trip, mostly from California, as it turned out. Actually, all of the tourists we talked to this time around were from California or Florida, which makes sense because we were in a surfing destination. We met a lot of young families that either own a place down there, already live there or are moving there. Which really got us thinking....
Two things I've wanted to do, for about the past 3 years or so, are 1.) start an event planning business and 2.) move to Costa Rica. The event planning idea has stemmed for my love of organization and planning things in general. The Costa Rica idea is quite obvious. We fell in love with the country from the minute we laid eyes on it. I mention these two things together because I'm trying to find a way to intertwine the two. It would be a big undertaking and we have a lot to think about.

Let's just say this book isn't finished yet.