Friday, January 29, 2010


Ok, so this video might be painfully boring to anyone but a parent or grandparents but I love it. It's just 3 minutes of Lily talking and playing with Bear. Toward the end, when Lily is trying to grab Bear's eyes, is when it's funny. She thinks everyone's eyes are removable.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Happy 101

My friend Jessica thought I would have some happiness to talk about. I definitely do. Today is a good day to do this to bring out some positivity! Actually, my happiness sounds very similar to Jessica's..

The Rules
 List 10 things that make you happy
Pass it on to 10 bloggers that make your day a better one.

1.) Lily. She is the funniest person I know. All I need in life is her smile.
2.) Dustin. He has NO idea how amazing he is and the happiness he's brought to me over the past  7 years.
3.) My parents. They have always been my best friends.
4.) My friends, FIFs included. They listen to me, sometimes even repeating myself due to mommy brain, and they never make me feel bad about it.
5.) Bear. He is hilarious. Old, but hilarious.
6.) Coffee. My Kuerig and Starbucks if I'm on the road.
7.) Pictures. Not just mine but everyone's. I love looking at pictures.
8.) The beach. I love that we live 10 minutes from it. It's so calming and tranquil. I could never live far away from it.
9.) Vacations. I love having something to look forward to but even more, I love planning them! I have two coming up this year, Milwaukee for a baby shower and Costa Rica which will be Lily's first trip there!
10.) Yoga. Self explanatory I think. It's so relaxing and stress relieving to me.

I'm going to cheat and not tag 10 bloggers. I don't like to make people feel pressured, BUT, I think if anyone will do this, it will be Christie, Shel and Nicolasa

Monday, January 25, 2010

A New Angel.

Heaven has one.
My step-grandfather passed away yesterday morning after a very long 4 weeks in the hospital. It was his time, but he will be so missed. He has been such an amazing care giver to my grandmother and such a good friend to the rest of us.
We were so blessed to have had you as a part of our family, Bob. You were a living Saint so I truly believe heaven has rolled out the red carpet for you. Thank you for being you and impacting our lives the way you did.

Saturday, January 23, 2010


Today was just one of those days when everything felt...just...right. Like, really, really right.
I don't know if my hormones were in balance today or what but it was just an all around good day....

I didn't feel stressed or pressured about anything.
The baby was in a good mood.
The weather was beautiful which motivated me to take a 3 mile walk...and, Lily even SLEPT while we walked.
We had some great friends come and visit.
I got things accomplished around the house.
There was a trip to Target, where I actually spent less than $100, which is a feat in itself.
The baby learned how to pull herself up to a standing position, which amused us both a lot today.
Bear didn't stink.

These are the days when I feel like I have a real handle on this mommy thing. I know, I know, just wait until tomorrow.

Now, if I could have just worked in a nap somehow...

Friday, January 22, 2010

Dear Lily,

You turned 8 months old a week ago.

  • Life is getting so busy with you being more mobile. 
  • You have sloowwwllly started to crawl within the last 2-3 weeks. Mostly in your crib or on mommy and daddy's bed. We don't have any carpet in the house so you're skeptical about crawling anywhere but those two spots. 
  • You love your new walker that I got for you last month. You are getting so much strength in your legs! You just motor around, trying to find things to get into...which ends up to be mommy's work papers and books.
  • You pull yourself up in your crib, almost to a standing position, but not quite. You mostly end up on your knees or, eventually, on your butt. It's time that daddy takes the crib down a notch!
  • You are THE most independent baby. You do not like to snuggle unless you are tired enough that you can't support your head anymore :) You're way too busy exploring to cuddle with us right now. I really, really, really hope this changes. Mommy needs the ego stroke :)
  • You are still so interested in technology and couldn't be bothered with infant toys. Pfffftttttt, those are for amateur babies. 
  • You are sleeping 10-11 hours a night almost consistently now. I don't want to jinx it though because you're funny about your sleep. You do like to go to bed early, unlike your parents! 6pm, you're pretty much done for the night. You also take a cat nap in the morning and maybe a couple throughout the day. 
  • You're eating about 3-4 jars of food a day and 4 bottles. You seem like a picky eater and DEFINITELY not into adult food at all. We've tried things like mashed potatoes, little slivers of chicken, avocado....nope. You just let it sit in your mouth. We'll keep trying :)
  • You are not socially shy at all. You LOVE to be out and about, which is pretty much how it has been since you were 3 days old. You really aren't afraid of anyone or anything yet....well, maybe balloons freak you out a little but still, no crying. I'm hoping this sticks around as you get older!

You are just so much fun. You have brightened up so many of our lives and made us so happy. I really didn't realize how much joy a little being could bring. Your smile is infectious and your laugh is soothing. To watch you discover your world is just an amazing thing, there is nothing like it.

I can't believe that you will be growing into a toddler over these next 4 months. I cannot help but want to completely stop time so I can take this all in. It seems so unfair that time just goes so fast. I hope these letters aren't getting old to you yet, but just know that mommy just wants to remember these times. Hopefully, in about 25 years, you'll come to me and ask what you were like at 8 months old because you have a baby of your own. I'll be able to tell and show you exactly what you were like. You are more than amazing.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My grandmother.

Yesterday, my mother, my great aunt and I settled my grandmother into an Alzheimer's assisted living facility, where she will most likely live the remainder of her life.

I hesitated on posting about this because I don't exactly know how I feel about all of this yet. I'm not even sure I know where I'm going with this post but I felt compelled, if not for any other reason than to raise awareness of the disease.

Of course I'm sad and yes, it broke my heart, especially for my mom, but I logically know this is the best thing for her. Bitter sweet, I suppose. I feel the need to remember how we got to this point with her. "
"How does a vibrant life become reduced to assisted living?", is all I kept thinking yesterday. Full circle.

Recounting memories from my perspective...
My grandmother and I have never had an extremely tight bond. She's always been a "free spirit" of sorts and very self involved. She has always been involved in my life though, by no means absent....just different and even difficult at times.

She was an avid church goer and a spent a good portion of her life preaching The Word of God, mostly unsolicited, but I believe her heart was always in a good place. I think she believed that her role in my life was to make sure that I was Saved and following Jesus, since my parents never really pushed organized religion on me. This did help us bond when I was young, as I was always the child who wanted to please, so I would follow her around church and watch her socialize. Yes, my grandmother loved attention, and actually still does.

She divorced my grandfather when my mother was young: a wonderful man who struggled with addiction in their early years of marriage, but was sober my entire life, providing me with a grandfather that I could be very proud of. They remained good friends and participated in my life equally.

My high school years did not provide many happy memories of my grandmother. She had a horrible bout with depression and as she healed, she became a very different person. She decided to marry a very emotionally abusive man and disconnected herself from the family. I did not regain a healthy relationship with her until after my college years, even though she and this man were not together for long. I was angry with her at this point, for many things, but won't spend time airing laundry. I guess this is just when my innocence was lost and I realized that families can really suck.

In the late 90's, she met a wonderful, wonderful man whom she married very early into their courtship. All my family could gather is that my grandmother won some sort of prayer lottery and that God sent this man to her. He was/is that special. Just a kind spirit who would do anything for my grandmother, despite some of her attention grabbing ways.

For the last decade, this man is what made her a true grandmother to me. Every holiday, birthday, or reason to celebrate, he insured they were available. He holds family in the highest regard and really taught my grandmother how to do that too.

Two to three years into their marriage, my grandmother developed dementia. Like any other story about dementia, the progression was quite slow but did develop into Alzheimer's a few years later. Sometime in 2006, her husband began researching facilities for her, knowing she would outlive him because of her amazing bill of health and his failing heart.

Never giving in, because his pride was too strong, my grandmother's husband became her 24 hour caregiver. He became more than half of her brain, keeping her in a routine, keeping her socialized and involved with her family, personal name it.

Now, he is the one in need of care, still in the hospital after 4 weeks, battling for his life in ICU. At this point he has been unresponsive but we're praying for a miracle.

Yesterday, we placed her in the facility, which her husband wishes for her to be, being that none of us can provide my grandmother with the 24 hour care that she needs. It's as lovely as a facility of this type can possibly be, with only Alzheimer's patients.

Nonetheless, it was a very sad day.

Sad for my aunt who feels like she's lost a sister already, and who has lost brothers to this disease as well. Sad for my grandmother's husband who could not be there to help ease my grandmother's anxiety about being in a new place. Sad for me that the only great grandparent that Lily has can barely remember that she exists....but mostly sad for my mom. The reasons don't need to be stated. I think they're all obvious.

With Alzheimer's, the family has to grieve the person twice. Once when the disease has progressed to the point of where my grandmother is,- constant repeating, little recognition of faces or names, severe confusion, forgetting obvious task such as going to the bathroom, wandering, etc-, and once when they pass away. It is the most cruel disease known to man. Cruel for everyone involved. Frustrating. Annoying. Sad.

Scary. Damn genetics.

Monday, January 11, 2010

New Definitions

I wrote this last week when I wasn't feeling well. I never posted it and I'm not sure why.

I know I do a lot of "positive posting" on this blog, especially since Lily was born, and I have gotten away from some of my former bitch/ranting posting. I try to keep everything upbeat, blowing rainbows up everyone's asses, for the sake of my family members reading this blog... but lets face it, my family knows that I am not always the most positive person in the world.

So, lets throw in some honesty for shits and giggles...

I'm tired.
This has an entirely new meaning to me. Pre Lily "I'm tired" meant that I only got 6 hours of sleep the night before and "ZOMG, I NEED A NAP, LIKE, NOW". I love my sleep, always have. I have never been one of those people that could thrive off of 4 hours of sleep.

Now, "I'm tired" means that I don't even know what 6 hours of consecutive sleep looks like and haven't had the aforementioned since I went on my business trip back in October for two nights (yes, I remember these things, and you will too when you have a child). At least I had that though, right?

"I'm tired" means that my child has had 4 days in a row of being absolutely MISERABLE because of MORE teeth coming in, plus a head cold, so she would.not.stop.screaming or whining and was sleeping like shit.

"I'm tired" means dealing with said sick, screaming, whining child, plus trying to nurse myself back to health from the head cold that I irrationally blame my husband for bringing into this house from work (read: "WHY don't you take some efiing vitamins so you don't bring this shit into the house??!!??"). Oh, and, throw some work in there too, just to pay the bills.

I have to admit that when someone without a child complains to me about how tired they are, I can't help but think to myself, "but, but, can go home and take a nap!! YOU NEED TO TAKE A NAP WHILE YOU CAN!", with a bit of bitter jealousy. I know this is, again, irrational but I do have these thoughts.

Tired has a new meaning, along with many other words that I used to throw around, such as "difficult", "patience" or "crabby", which I'll spare you from redefining since I'm sure you get the point. Things are different.

I know veteran moms are going to read this and roll their eyes thinking about what a rookie post this is. Perhaps some will read this and think "what the hell is she complaining about? She is so lucky to have what she has!", or something along those lines. Any of those thoughts are definitely warranted...but we all live in our own reality, this is mine and I'm still getting used to it.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Monday, January 4, 2010

Project 365.

Check it out.
I decided to participate in this project. Find mine here.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy New Year!

I promise I haven't abandoned my blog. My brain is just mush by the end of the day, most of the time anyway. Lily decided to sprout 2 more teeth (yes, we're up to 6, if you're counting for some odd reason) and she is exhausting these days!

As usual, the holidays have flown by. Lily's first Christmas was nothing short of perfect. She was an angel baby Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We had fun with her. Here is some evidence:
Christmas morning...

Christmas evening at grandma and grandpa's...

Good times. It went by too fast.
New Year's Eve was nice. We had my parents and some friends over for dinner, watched the ball drop and I was in be by 12:01am, no lie.
So, 2009 has come and gone, which seems impossible. Here is my year in review:

In the middle of my 2nd trimester and really started gearing up for Lily's arrival. We registered for our baby shower and started setting up the nursery.

Had an opportunity to make a change at work which required me to go to California twice in two weeks.
Brought Dustin with me the first time.
Went to San Diego zoo.
Met with the Ferrara family, meeting baby Joey for the first time.
Also met with my friend Lisa and her husband Dan. Fun trip.

Baby shower! So much fun. So many friends, family and too many gifts. Hoarstock!

Nicolas, Christian and Ryleigh's first birthdays!
Went into pre-term labor, started really disliking being pregnant at this point!

Nothing more than Lily comes to mind. May 15th. Love.

June- July
Lily. Lily. Lily.
Maternity leave.
Ryan's first birthday!

Lily's first vacation to St. Augustine and meeting her Auntie Annie, Uncle James and Ryleigh.
My first time away from her for a business meeting in New Jersey.

Costa Rica!
I'm 33.

New Hampshire to visit my beautiful friend Jaime and her family.
Lily in the flower pot for Halloween.

Lily is already 6 months old and celebrating her first Thanksgiving.

Lots of shopping, baking, eating, celebrating.

There was obviously so much more to the year than this but like I said, mush. All in all, 2009 will forever represent Lily and therefore was my best year so far!

As wonderful as the holidays were, there has also been a rash of horrible things happening to my friends and family. Bob, Jaime, Anne, Nicole, Christie, Chrissie, and anyone else I've forgotten, my thoughts and prayers are with all of you for all of your different situations. I hope 2010 perks up a little!

Make it a beautiful New Year!