New Definitions

I wrote this last week when I wasn't feeling well. I never posted it and I'm not sure why.

I know I do a lot of "positive posting" on this blog, especially since Lily was born, and I have gotten away from some of my former bitch/ranting posting. I try to keep everything upbeat, blowing rainbows up everyone's asses, for the sake of my family members reading this blog... but lets face it, my family knows that I am not always the most positive person in the world.

So, lets throw in some honesty for shits and giggles...

I'm tired.

This has an entirely new meaning to me. Pre Lily "I'm tired" meant that I only got 6 hours of sleep the night before and "ZOMG, I NEED A NAP, LIKE, NOW". I love my sleep, always have. I have never been one of those people that could thrive off of 4 hours of sleep.

Now, "I'm tired" means that I don't even know what 6 hours of consecutive sleep looks like and haven't had the aforementioned since I went on my business trip back in October for two nights (yes, I remember these things, and you will too when you have a child). At least I had that though, right?

"I'm tired" means that my child has had 4 days in a row of being absolutely MISERABLE because of MORE teeth coming in, plus a head cold, so she would.not.stop.screaming or whining and was sleeping like shit.

"I'm tired" means dealing with said sick, screaming, whining child, plus trying to nurse myself back to health from the head cold that I irrationally blame my husband for bringing into this house from work (read: "WHY don't you take some efiing vitamins so you don't bring this shit into the house??!!??"). Oh, and, throw some work in there too, just to pay the bills.

I have to admit that when someone without a child complains to me about how tired they are, I can't help but think to myself, "but, but, but...you can go home and take a nap!! YOU NEED TO TAKE A NAP WHILE YOU CAN!", with a bit of bitter jealousy. I know this is, again, irrational but I do have these thoughts.

Tired has a new meaning, along with many other words that I used to throw around, such as "difficult", "patience" or "crabby", which I'll spare you from redefining since I'm sure you get the point. Things are different.

I know veteran moms are going to read this and roll their eyes thinking about what a rookie post this is. Perhaps some will read this and think "what the hell is she complaining about? She is so lucky to have what she has!", or something along those lines. Any of those thoughts are definitely warranted...but we all live in our own reality, this is mine and I'm still getting used to it.