It's been two weeks?

Really? Wow. Lazy blogger.
Life is just flying by. I cannot believe that April will be here in 2 days.
At this time last year I was beginning my descent into the latter part of my pregnancy. You know, those miserable last few weeks in which you suddenly realize that what you are carrying inside of you is the size of a WATERMELON, only it happens to be a human who's head is sitting on your pubic bone and who's sudden movements can stop you dead in your tracks because you have a foot in your rib cage. I could go into what the definition of "lightening crotch" is, but I'll spare you.

Was it worth it? You bet your ass it was.

I'm not going to lie..the first couple of months that Lily was here, I really couldn't see exactly what all of the fuss was about. Let me explain before you call Child Services. YES, of course I fell immediately in love with Lily and YES, the minute I saw her I knew I would die for her...and all of that extra loving stuff...but the first few months were just an introduction to the meaning of parenting: the sleepless nights, the worrying, the muffin top...all that is joyous, but it was..well, a little boring? Monotonous? Tedious? All of the above. It's a trying time, I don't care what anyone says about it. It's hard. However hard you think it's going to be before you have kids, times that by a million and you'd still be a little off.

It wasn't until Lily was about 4-5 months old that I REALLY got it. "It" being the most magical feeling of realizing this little human actually responds to you, relies on you, loves you unconditionally (for now). I got it. It wasn't until that age that Lily didn't do much but eat, shit, sleep, pee and make involuntary noises. YES, all of that is cute and sweet and fun in it's own right, but I guess my point is that I couldn't actually measure the fruits of my labor (no pun intended) for a couple months to come. Obviously, some will disagree with all of this, but this just so happens to be the way that I experienced it. Hopefully, I just normalized the way some new moms are feeling. Either that or I caused everyone on the interwebs to think I'm crazy flakes. Either way, it's ok with me.

Now, at 10.5 months...it's so much more than I ever thought it would be. SO much more. She knows how to give me hugs and kisses, she mimics me, she laughs at me, she wants to know where I am at all times, she looks for me to comfort her and sometimes no one else will do...I am her mom and this is what my purpose is in life. Everything suddenly makes sense when I look at her.

I can't believe I didn't even know her a year ago. It suddenly feels like I've always known her. I suppose it's more that I was always destined to know her... and be lucky enough to be her mom.