I was going to make this a post to bitch. A post to bitch about how much I have on my plate and how some people in my life don't seem to understand what being a full time working mom is really about.
The itch to do this was ignited by two emails I received this week, from two separate people, asking if they've done something wrong because I haven't called them back.
Neither of these people have children so I am deciding not to bitch.
I too was once, not so long ago, a childless adult that also questioned why I wouldn't hear from my friends with children. I would think to myself, "that kid HAS to nap, why can't they call me then?", or something similar.
I get it now.
Instead, I want to post this in appreciation to all of my friends and family, moms or non-moms, that have been so understanding of why I haven't called or have only been able to keep in touch sporadically. I can't tell you what it means to me to have the support system that I do. It's amazing. So, thank you...
Thank you to the friends that I only speak to once every six months, but we pick up right where we left off. I love that.
Thank you to my friends that understand when Lily is screaming bloody murder that I have to get off the phone, right then and there.
Thank you to my family that will still call to check on me every few weeks, even though I only return every 4th phone call, but never question me.
Thank you to my mommy friends that will let me make the entire conversation about Lily because I really need some support in that moment.
Thank you to my friends that understand my selfishness when it relates to Lily.
Thank you to my friends that live close, that happen to not have children, that come over and not only tolerate Lily's screaming but do everything you can to help.
Just, thank you.
Having a baby has been the most intense challenge of my life so far. I'm so fortunate to have family and friends close to make it easier. That is priceless. I will say that most of my friends made parenting look so easy. These people are super heroes to me....actually, all moms are super heroes to me!
To those that think having a baby is just an excuse to not stay in touch, or something of the like, I hope you can experience this someday. Not to see how challenging it is but to see how absolutely beautiful it is. To see that there is NOTHING in the world that you would rather do than to smell your baby's head and sing her a song while rocking her. To see that getting 5 hours of broken sleep a night is worth it just to look at her smile at you at 5am in the light of her nightlight. To see that working a ten hour day is totally worth it because you know you are able to provide her with things she needs and wants. To see that rolling over and giggling are the most gorgeous things to see and hear. To see that everything else in life is quite trivial and that spending every possible second with her is indeed what matters.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Dear Lily,
One year ago yesterday, I found out I was pregnant with you. I can't believe it has been a year already. Your dad and I wanted you so badly but knew we might have to be patient. Little did we know we would be so fortunate, so quickly!
Just like my letters to you in the past, this may be more information than you care to know about your mom and you, but I love remembering. Since it's still fresh in my mind, I want to document it in case you ever ask about it. If you're anything like me, you will be nosy and want to know everything about your childhood! This will be a letter for you to read when you're older, maybe even when you get married and decide you want to have a child.
I remember it like it was yesterday...
It was a Tuesday and I had been feeling a little weird for about a week. My body was just not itself. I decided to just take a pregnancy test but I was thinking that certainly couldn't be what I was feeling. It just seemed too early.
Your dad was at the grocery store so I was just home, working in my office, when I decided to take the test. I left the test in the bathroom for quite a while, not paying a whole lot of attention, expecting it to be negative. When I went back in to check it, sure enough there were two faint lines! I remember laughing for several minutes, telling Bear that I was pregnant, trying to call your dad who had a bad habit of never answering his cell phone and finally, tears of happiness and a phone call to your grandma, who was the very first person to find out the news. I don't remember much of my conversation with her but I do know there was a lot of giggling and "Oh.My.God."'s said.
Your dad finally got home, about 10 minutes later, and I met him in the driveway with the news. We were both so excited but also in disbelief that we had been so fortunate so quickly. It was amazing and one of the happiest days of my life.
I don't remember much else from that day, aside from the fact that I couldn't concentrate and I wanted to tell the whole world! Your dad was so excited that 10 days later, at our local wedding reception, he announced it to our 135 guests! We have that on video for you to watch someday.
My first doctor's appointment was on October 6, 2008. I was 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I saw you on the ultra sound screen, I saw your little heart beating. It was incredible. This is what you looked like then, the size of a grain of rice:
And now, here we are, a year later. You're 4 months old already, 14lbs 10oz and about 25inches tall:
You are such a personality now. Here is what you're up to these days:
I love you more than words can say.
Love,
Mommy
Just like my letters to you in the past, this may be more information than you care to know about your mom and you, but I love remembering. Since it's still fresh in my mind, I want to document it in case you ever ask about it. If you're anything like me, you will be nosy and want to know everything about your childhood! This will be a letter for you to read when you're older, maybe even when you get married and decide you want to have a child.
I remember it like it was yesterday...
It was a Tuesday and I had been feeling a little weird for about a week. My body was just not itself. I decided to just take a pregnancy test but I was thinking that certainly couldn't be what I was feeling. It just seemed too early.
Your dad was at the grocery store so I was just home, working in my office, when I decided to take the test. I left the test in the bathroom for quite a while, not paying a whole lot of attention, expecting it to be negative. When I went back in to check it, sure enough there were two faint lines! I remember laughing for several minutes, telling Bear that I was pregnant, trying to call your dad who had a bad habit of never answering his cell phone and finally, tears of happiness and a phone call to your grandma, who was the very first person to find out the news. I don't remember much of my conversation with her but I do know there was a lot of giggling and "Oh.My.God."'s said.
Your dad finally got home, about 10 minutes later, and I met him in the driveway with the news. We were both so excited but also in disbelief that we had been so fortunate so quickly. It was amazing and one of the happiest days of my life.
I don't remember much else from that day, aside from the fact that I couldn't concentrate and I wanted to tell the whole world! Your dad was so excited that 10 days later, at our local wedding reception, he announced it to our 135 guests! We have that on video for you to watch someday.
My first doctor's appointment was on October 6, 2008. I was 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I saw you on the ultra sound screen, I saw your little heart beating. It was incredible. This is what you looked like then, the size of a grain of rice:
And now, here we are, a year later. You're 4 months old already, 14lbs 10oz and about 25inches tall:
You are such a personality now. Here is what you're up to these days:
- You are grasping things, in your beautiful little hands, just to put everything in your mouth.
- You love shiny objects.
- You are "talking" all of the time, communicating with us.
- You are loving the books we read to you and Baby Einstein videos that I play for you on the computer once in awhile.
- You rolled over about 2 weeks ago from your back to your belly.
- You are laughing, a big hearty laugh, which started about 4 weeks ago.
- You LOVE being social and going everywhere we do, especially the beach which is a new found love for you.
- You love cat napping in your dad's spot on the couch, all curled up on his pillows.
- You are responding to everything we do and try to mimic our facial expressions and sounds often.
- You love those little blankets with the stuffed animals attached (I know there's a name for them!).
- You love everything musical.
I love you more than words can say.
Love,
Mommy
Friday, September 11, 2009
Costa Rica: Chapter 4
We just got back from our forth trip to Costa Rica on Tuesday night. Another amazing trip.
Before I get into the trip itself...no, we didn't bring Lily with us and yes, my parents stayed here with her and Bear. It's funny how people react when I tell them Lily stayed home. I guess it makes me a little weird that I think it's a healthy thing to do, spending time alone with your spouse after having a child. After all, it was just the two of us for many years. Reconnecting is important and I will always put us first. If we're strong as a couple, we'll be stronger as parents. I truly believe that. I did buy this trip back in December, when I was 5 months pregnant and in retrospect, it was good foresight on my part that we would need the break. Being that Dustin and I work opposite schedules, we don't have a lot of time to connect at all so the 6 nights away were good for us. I think we'll be doing this once a year, even just a long weekend.
The funny thing is that although I believe all of that and feel strongly about it, I still feel guilty for leaving Lily. I know she was in perfect hands and at this age, she doesn't even know the difference but I still had a nagging guilty feeling. We missed her so much, it hurt a little. We were able to Skype with her every night (thank God for technology), which was great, and she was so happy with grandma and grandpa. I really need to get over the guilt!
Anyway, the trip....
We had a blast, as usual. This was the first time we stayed in one location, Playa Hermosa just outside of Jaco, and just relaxed. No tours, no wedding, no hiking, just relaxation. Of course, Dustin surfed for about 7 hours a day but that IS his relaxation.
We met a lot of very cool people this trip, mostly from California, as it turned out. Actually, all of the tourists we talked to this time around were from California or Florida, which makes sense because we were in a surfing destination. We met a lot of young families that either own a place down there, already live there or are moving there. Which really got us thinking....
Two things I've wanted to do, for about the past 3 years or so, are 1.) start an event planning business and 2.) move to Costa Rica. The event planning idea has stemmed for my love of organization and planning things in general. The Costa Rica idea is quite obvious. We fell in love with the country from the minute we laid eyes on it. I mention these two things together because I'm trying to find a way to intertwine the two. It would be a big undertaking and we have a lot to think about.
Let's just say this book isn't finished yet.
Before I get into the trip itself...no, we didn't bring Lily with us and yes, my parents stayed here with her and Bear. It's funny how people react when I tell them Lily stayed home. I guess it makes me a little weird that I think it's a healthy thing to do, spending time alone with your spouse after having a child. After all, it was just the two of us for many years. Reconnecting is important and I will always put us first. If we're strong as a couple, we'll be stronger as parents. I truly believe that. I did buy this trip back in December, when I was 5 months pregnant and in retrospect, it was good foresight on my part that we would need the break. Being that Dustin and I work opposite schedules, we don't have a lot of time to connect at all so the 6 nights away were good for us. I think we'll be doing this once a year, even just a long weekend.
The funny thing is that although I believe all of that and feel strongly about it, I still feel guilty for leaving Lily. I know she was in perfect hands and at this age, she doesn't even know the difference but I still had a nagging guilty feeling. We missed her so much, it hurt a little. We were able to Skype with her every night (thank God for technology), which was great, and she was so happy with grandma and grandpa. I really need to get over the guilt!
Anyway, the trip....
We had a blast, as usual. This was the first time we stayed in one location, Playa Hermosa just outside of Jaco, and just relaxed. No tours, no wedding, no hiking, just relaxation. Of course, Dustin surfed for about 7 hours a day but that IS his relaxation.
We met a lot of very cool people this trip, mostly from California, as it turned out. Actually, all of the tourists we talked to this time around were from California or Florida, which makes sense because we were in a surfing destination. We met a lot of young families that either own a place down there, already live there or are moving there. Which really got us thinking....
Two things I've wanted to do, for about the past 3 years or so, are 1.) start an event planning business and 2.) move to Costa Rica. The event planning idea has stemmed for my love of organization and planning things in general. The Costa Rica idea is quite obvious. We fell in love with the country from the minute we laid eyes on it. I mention these two things together because I'm trying to find a way to intertwine the two. It would be a big undertaking and we have a lot to think about.
Let's just say this book isn't finished yet.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My inspiring thought for today...
...because I needed to read something positive today...
Say what you have to say, not what you ought. Any truth is better than make-believe. ~Author Henry David Thoreau
Saturday, August 15, 2009
3 Months!
She's almost 14lbs already (13lbs 6oz to be exact). Too big! She's almost double her birth weight. She's holding her head up now and her new thing is trying to sit up. I'm not sure if this is her belly issues or her trying to strengthen herself ,but it's funny. She looks like she's doing crunches. She especially likes to do this in her car seat. I need to video tape it. She works so hard at it! She'll be doing yoga with me in no time.
She is also giggling now. Not just coo giggling, but actually giggling. I love it.
She will not appreciate this picture someday:
Not the most flattering of Dustin, but she is edible. This was right after she went "swimming". She is loving the water now. Thank God. Dustin would have traded her in, I believe.
She is such an angel. I fall more in love with her everyday.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Picture Story Part 2
Anyway, after waking up at 5am, we decided to get out early and go sightseeing. St. Augustine is an amazing, historic town with so much to see. It was ungodly hot though, so we weren't able to walk around as much as I had hoped.
Here's what we did see...
Old churches... (this might not be exciting to some but the old buildings facinated Dustin and I. Living on the west coast of Florida, we just don't see things like this)
and this was taken on historic St. George St, where all of the touristy shops and restaurants are...
Here's what we did see...
Fort Matanzas...
Old churches... (this might not be exciting to some but the old buildings facinated Dustin and I. Living on the west coast of Florida, we just don't see things like this)
and this was taken on historic St. George St, where all of the touristy shops and restaurants are...
After overheating ourselves, we went back to the condo and relaxed. We tried the beach one more time, which didn't work out so well for Lily this time but I got a cute picture out of it...
Finally, that evening, we met up with our good friends, James, Anne Marie and their daughter Ryleigh, for dinner...
So those were the highlights. We had a great time. I can't wait to travel more with Lily and have her experience different places. It's so fun to see things through their eyes, even at this age. I imagine that only gets to be more fun as they get older.
Some things I learned about traveling with a 3 month old...
So those were the highlights. We had a great time. I can't wait to travel more with Lily and have her experience different places. It's so fun to see things through their eyes, even at this age. I imagine that only gets to be more fun as they get older.
Some things I learned about traveling with a 3 month old...
- NEVER stay for only two nights. It's way too much work, unless you're only driving 10 minutes away. As you saw, you have to pack everything, whether you're staying for a night or a month. Next time, we'll stay at least 4 nights, wherever we go.
- Babies are, indeed, portable. I was so worried that she was going to be freaked out by her change in environment or get super cranky because we were on the go so much. Not the case. She was a trooper and just took it all in.
- Don't take a baby to the beach until they can sit up. Although we had the fancy tent for her, her only choice was to lay down in there. If she didn't want to, she screamed. I couldn't fit in the tent to hold her up. Just don't do it.
- Get a big place, not just a regular hotel room. You'll need extra space for all of the extra stuff and you'll be in the room more than you think. It's doable in a regular hotel room, but just not very comfortable.
- Finally, vacation has a whole new meaning. This is a good and a bad thing. The good was already mentioned, seeing new things through a little one's eyes and all of the new experiences. It's the best...but...I won't lie...it isn't a relaxing time, at this age. Carrying all of her stuff all over the place, not being able to see/do what we wanted to do, worrying about her (is she hungry, tired, over heated, etc) makes it a little stressful. I'm not saying it isn't worth it, it just redefines vacation. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. We're already planning our 2010 Costa Rica trip with her!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
A New Way to Vacation: A Picture Story
That's the best way to describe traveling with an infant. It's a new experience. SOO much fun, yet a lot of work. I'll do a picture story, for your entertainment.
I mentioned a couple of posts ago that we were headed to St. Augustine for our anniversary. The three of us packed the car....literally, PACKED the car...
I mentioned a couple of posts ago that we were headed to St. Augustine for our anniversary. The three of us packed the car....literally, PACKED the car...
We made it about 2 hours before Lily was ready to stop. Our goal was to make it to Orlando, which is about 3 hours away, but Lakeland was as far as we got. Not too bad though, considering Lily has never been on a car ride longer than 25 minutes! We were able to make it the rest of the 2.5 hours after that, all the way to St. Augustine. She did so good on the trip.
We checked into our "condo". I'm not going to lie, it was a piece of shit place...but, THIS is what we paid for...
We checked into our "condo". I'm not going to lie, it was a piece of shit place...but, THIS is what we paid for...
...the view. It was beautiful. We were on Crescent Beach, which is about 20 minutes south of downtown St. Augustine. Beautiful white sand. Very different from Venice beaches, beautiful in different ways.
So, Lily was being so good. We decided to take her, and all of her tons of stuff, down to the beach. Yes, I realize she is young for this adventure, but we were prepared. We bought her an "infant cabana", that happens to be UV protected. (Who would have thought they have this stuff?? Leave it to me and my internet skills and I'll find it!) We also had an umbrella over the cabana and I put Water Babies sunscreen on her AND a UV protected hat...which actually fell right off, but the intention was there.
So, Lily was being so good. We decided to take her, and all of her tons of stuff, down to the beach. Yes, I realize she is young for this adventure, but we were prepared. We bought her an "infant cabana", that happens to be UV protected. (Who would have thought they have this stuff?? Leave it to me and my internet skills and I'll find it!) We also had an umbrella over the cabana and I put Water Babies sunscreen on her AND a UV protected hat...which actually fell right off, but the intention was there.
I have to interject a sub-story here about unsolicited baby raising opinions.
As we were walking down to the beach, there was a young girl walking behind us with two guys. They were about early 20s-ish. They all had beers in there hands and clearly no responsibilities at all. Dustin and I were struggling a little, carrying all this shit, plus Lily was screaming at that moment.
We were just trying to make it down to the beach and get her out of the direct sun. All of the sudden, I hear this bitch pipe up and say, "If I were that baby, I'd be screaming too. What a bunch of morons bringing a baby out on the beach. F-ing idiots!". She rambled in for a bit but I couldn't hear her anymore because they trailed behind.
I don't know why but this REALLY bothered me, as in, I was ready to go back and punch that girl. Those of you who know me, KNOW that I am not a violent person but I swear she struck a cord that I didn't know I had. My animal instinct came out in me and I immediately had the motivation to defend myself and the mom that I am to Lily.
Ugh, I was pissed. I'm still trying to get over comments like these. It isn't easy for me.
Anyway, Lily napped and stayed cool in her cabana. We stayed for about 45 minutes and then she got in the pool for a minute. She loved it. It was so fun to watch her experience all of this for the first time.
Then, she got a bath and relaxed with us...
As we were walking down to the beach, there was a young girl walking behind us with two guys. They were about early 20s-ish. They all had beers in there hands and clearly no responsibilities at all. Dustin and I were struggling a little, carrying all this shit, plus Lily was screaming at that moment.
We were just trying to make it down to the beach and get her out of the direct sun. All of the sudden, I hear this bitch pipe up and say, "If I were that baby, I'd be screaming too. What a bunch of morons bringing a baby out on the beach. F-ing idiots!". She rambled in for a bit but I couldn't hear her anymore because they trailed behind.
I don't know why but this REALLY bothered me, as in, I was ready to go back and punch that girl. Those of you who know me, KNOW that I am not a violent person but I swear she struck a cord that I didn't know I had. My animal instinct came out in me and I immediately had the motivation to defend myself and the mom that I am to Lily.
Ugh, I was pissed. I'm still trying to get over comments like these. It isn't easy for me.
Anyway, Lily napped and stayed cool in her cabana. We stayed for about 45 minutes and then she got in the pool for a minute. She loved it. It was so fun to watch her experience all of this for the first time.
Then, she got a bath and relaxed with us...
Later that evening, we went to the lighthouse (which I have a fascination of)...
The one thing Lily didn't want to do on vacation was sleep in. She woke up at 4:50am the first morning, after going to sleep at 10pm. Ugh. This made a tired mommy...
but a beautiful sunrise...
To be continued. Hungry baby.
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