My Pumpkin.

Lily's first trip to the pumpkin patch!

We didn't pick the best day to go, being that her and I were both sick, but I thought the fresh air would do us some good. It definitely did. It was a gorgeous day and she seemed happy to be outside..although you can tell she wasn't feeling great in a couple of those pictures. Her eyes tell it all. It was fun though!

Lily has been so busy in her 5th month of life! We had a blast in New Hampshire last week with Jaime, Matt and Ryan. Ryan ADORED Lily. He is such a sweet boy and being raised so well. If I am half as good as a mother as Jaime, I'm doing pretty well!

Some highlights...

Apple Picking!


Cuddling with Ryan.


Scenic train ride.


Flirting with new boys.


Breakfast with FIFs! (internet friends :)

We carved pumpkins with some friends last week so I'll have to post some pictures of that too but I'm pretty sure I'm on picture overload with this post!
Up next...Halloween!

My Bear Dog.

I thought it was about time to write about my best friend.
I've spent so much time and energy focused on my pregnancy and then Lily, of course, but I don't talk too much about Bear.

Bear came into my life in February of 1999. He was born in December of 1998 and came from a back yard breeder about 30 minutes from my house. He was advertised as "One male left!". I'm not sure why but this bothered me. I just didn't think that was a selling point and I felt like maybe that "one male left" was lonely.

I should back up a bit...At the time, I didn't know much about dogs, breeders, puppy mills, etc. I was 22 and a bit naive about how over populated the world is with unwanted dogs. The only experiences I had with owning my own dog was, once when I was 8, we got it from a puppy store, it got sick and died when it was 2, and then again when I was 19, in college, bought a Beagle from a back yard breeder, that I ended up giving up to a better home. A 700sq foot apartment was no place for a BEAGLE who needed to run. So, basically, all I knew is that I lived alone, I loved dogs and I also wanted some protection of sorts. My dad said, "you need to get a gun or a dog". A dog it was.

So, I got to visit this "one male left" house. The people owned the mom of the litter and bred her with a police dog down the street. There were 4 females in the litter, already spoken for, in a play pin out on these people's porch. Cute...but where is the male? "Oh, we leave him in the bathroom alone because he's big and clumsy. We didn't want him around the females." WHHATTTT?? Mean. I needed to rescue this pup.
The bathroom door opens and this comes bounding toward me:

Cutest dog I have ever seen. Clumsy, yes, but so cute, with HUGE paws. I was in love.
I named him Bear because the "breeders" thought he resembled a teddy bear, so that's what they called him. I thought it suited him.

Bear was so easy to train, well, with my dad's help :), and he was SO smart. His loyalty emerged immediately. Not an aggressive bone in his body, but he sure sounded mean right from the start. The vet said he would be a big dog, weighing 17lbs at 8 weeks old. He was certainly right. He stands realllly tall, about to my thigh, and he was about 105lbs in his healthiest years.

He loved to chew on rawhide, play ball, play frisbee, go on car rides, go to the beach (yet, hated the water and would literally bark at it), go on visits but most of all LOVES FOOD!

Here's a few pictures throughout the years...

About 3 months old.


A little over a year old.

3 years old.

9 years old.

Dog lovers know that there is nothing like the bond you share with "man's best friend". Absolutely nothing. I know people are thinking, "what about Lily and that bond?". Yes, true, but it's totally different. The bond with a dog is a friendship, an honest to God's true friendship, like no other.

Bear has seen me through my darkest days and the most beautiful days. There couldn't be a more true meaning of "for better or worse".
Bear has endured:

• 6 different houses.
• 2 ex's.
• My various mental states, due to being hormonal and emotional from the above mentioned ex's.
  
• 1 step dog with my ex.
• Various foster dogs.
• Surviving bloat, which only about 2-5% of dogs survive.
• Car trips to avoid hurricanes.
  
• A new baby in the house.

The list goes on and on....

Now, at almost 11 years old, he is a trooper. He is not in the best of health, battling arthritis, hip dysplasia and spinal mylopathy...but, his spirit remains the same somehow. He still thinks he can play, still loves the outside, loves his "gramps", loves Lily, and most of all... still stands by my side.

I know he won't be around for much longer. It just isn't in the cards, but I thank God for the years we've had. He is the best dog anyone could ever have. Honest to God, no other dog is better than Bear. Those of you that have met him know what I mean.

Thanks for being my best friend Bear dog. I'm not sure what I did to deserve you but thank you.

My friend Jessie took this picture in March and it's one of my favorites.

This and That

Random. No direction to this at all.

• Lily has actually been NAPPING these last few days. To what I owe this honor, I have no idea but I will take what I can get. It's never more than 30-40 minutes, but whatever!
• She is "tri-pod sitting", eating her feet and anything else that is in her reach, loving her exersaucer, and has the reddest hair I have ever seen.
• Dustin bought me this for my birthday:

and we kayaked here, for its maiden voyage (Stump Pass)...

We had a blast. My sister-in-law bought me an awesome book that tells all of the kayaking spots in Florida. We're excited to explore Florida a little more with this new adventure.

• We're going to New Hampshire this coming weekend to see one of my very best friends, Jaime, and her little family:

This is her and her boy Ryan, who is now 15 months old! She is pregnant with her second, crazy girl. We're so freakin excited to see fall! We'll be meeting up with a bunch of my FIFs and their husbands and babies up there too. So.excited.

• I cannot wait for Halloween. Lily is going to be so cute.
• I am nervous about flying with Lily because I don't want to be "that" person with the screaming baby.
• I have to get over the above mentioned because this winter Lily and I will be flying to Wisconsin for a friend's baby shower! Brrrrrrrrrrrr!
• I have decided I would go insane without the help of my parents, in regards to Lily.
• I FINALLY got back to the gym this week and it felt fantastic.
• I wish more of my extended family was closer.
• I have never felt so blessed as I do these days.
  

Saturday Night Happiness

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(yep, it says pumpkiM. Thanks, Nicole=)
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Those things were my Saturday night happiness.

FSU was sucking ass, so I went shopping at Target, discovered the deliciousness of the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte (yes, I'm late on this, I realize), all in the company of my beautiful daughter who happened to be in a great mood. Funny that she always seems happy while we're shopping.

Appreciation.

I was going to make this a post to bitch. A post to bitch about how much I have on my plate and how some people in my life don't seem to understand what being a full time working mom is really about.

The itch to do this was ignited by two emails I received this week, from two separate people, asking if they've done something wrong because I haven't called them back.

Neither of these people have children so I am deciding not to bitch.

I too was once, not so long ago, a childless adult that also questioned why I wouldn't hear from my friends with children. I would think to myself, "that kid HAS to nap, why can't they call me then?", or something similar.

I get it now.

Instead, I want to post this in appreciation to all of my friends and family, moms or non-moms, that have been so understanding of why I haven't called or have only been able to keep in touch sporadically. I can't tell you what it means to me to have the support system that I do. It's amazing. So, thank you...

Thank you to the friends that I only speak to once every six months, but we pick up right where we left off. I love that.

Thank you to my friends that understand when Lily is screaming bloody murder that I have to get off the phone, right then and there.

Thank you to my family that will still call to check on me every few weeks, even though I only return every 4th phone call, but never question me.

Thank you to my mommy friends that will let me make the entire conversation about Lily because I really need some support in that moment.

Thank you to my friends that understand my selfishness when it relates to Lily.

Thank you to my friends that live close, that happen to not have children, that come over and not only tolerate Lily's screaming but do everything you can to help.

Just, thank you.

Having a baby has been the most intense challenge of my life so far. I'm so fortunate to have family and friends close to make it easier. That is priceless. I will say that most of my friends made parenting look so easy. These people are super heroes to me....actually, all moms are super heroes to me!

To those that think having a baby is just an excuse to not stay in touch, or something of the like, I hope you can experience this someday. Not to see how challenging it is but to see how absolutely beautiful it is. To see that there is NOTHING in the world that you would rather do than to smell your baby's head and sing her a song while rocking her. To see that getting 5 hours of broken sleep a night is worth it just to look at her smile at you at 5am in the light of her nightlight. To see that working a ten hour day is totally worth it because you know you are able to provide her with things she needs and wants. To see that rolling over and giggling are the most gorgeous things to see and hear. To see that everything else in life is quite trivial and that spending every possible second with her is indeed what matters.

Dear Lily,

One year ago yesterday, I found out I was pregnant with you. I can't believe it has been a year already. Your dad and I wanted you so badly but knew we might have to be patient. Little did we know we would be so fortunate, so quickly!

Just like my letters to you in the past, this may be more information than you care to know about your mom and you, but I love remembering. Since it's still fresh in my mind, I want to document it in case you ever ask about it. If you're anything like me, you will be nosy and want to know everything about your childhood! This will be a letter for you to read when you're older, maybe even when you get married and decide you want to have a child.

I remember it like it was yesterday...
It was a Tuesday and I had been feeling a little weird for about a week. My body was just not itself. I decided to just take a pregnancy test but I was thinking that certainly couldn't be what I was feeling. It just seemed too early.

Your dad was at the grocery store so I was just home, working in my office, when I decided to take the test. I left the test in the bathroom for quite a while, not paying a whole lot of attention, expecting it to be negative. When I went back in to check it, sure enough there were two faint lines! I remember laughing for several minutes, telling Bear that I was pregnant, trying to call your dad who had a bad habit of never answering his cell phone and finally, tears of happiness and a phone call to your grandma, who was the very first person to find out the news. I don't remember much of my conversation with her but I do know there was a lot of giggling and "Oh.My.God."'s said.

Your dad finally got home, about 10 minutes later, and I met him in the driveway with the news. We were both so excited but also in disbelief that we had been so fortunate so quickly. It was amazing and one of the happiest days of my life.

I don't remember much else from that day, aside from the fact that I couldn't concentrate and I wanted to tell the whole world! Your dad was so excited that 10 days later, at our local wedding reception, he announced it to our 135 guests! We have that on video for you to watch someday.

My first doctor's appointment was on October 6, 2008. I was 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I saw you on the ultra sound screen, I saw your little heart beating. It was incredible. This is what you looked like then, the size of a grain of rice:

And now, here we are, a year later. You're 4 months old already, 14lbs 10oz and about 25inches tall:

You are such a personality now. Here is what you're up to these days:

• You are grasping things, in your beautiful little hands, just to put everything in your mouth.
• You love shiny objects.
  
• You are "talking" all of the time, communicating with us.
• You are loving the books we read to you and Baby Einstein videos that I play for you on the computer once in awhile.
• You rolled over about 2 weeks ago from your back to your belly.
• You are laughing, a big hearty laugh, which started about 4 weeks ago.
• You LOVE being social and going everywhere we do, especially the beach which is a new found love for you.
• You love cat napping in your dad's spot on the couch, all curled up on his pillows.
• You are responding to everything we do and try to mimic our facial expressions and sounds often.
• You love those little blankets with the stuffed animals attached (I know there's a name for them!).
• You love everything musical.

You're getting more and more amazing everyday. Right now, you're sitting on my lap watching me type with such curiosity and fascination. It's so much fun to watch you.

I love you more than words can say.
Love,
Mommy

Costa Rica: Chapter 4

We just got back from our forth trip to Costa Rica on Tuesday night. Another amazing trip.

Before I get into the trip itself...no, we didn't bring Lily with us and yes, my parents stayed here with her and Bear. It's funny how people react when I tell them Lily stayed home. I guess it makes me a little weird that I think it's a healthy thing to do, spending time alone with your spouse after having a child. After all, it was just the two of us for many years. Reconnecting is important and I will always put us first. If we're strong as a couple, we'll be stronger as parents. I truly believe that. I did buy this trip back in December, when I was 5 months pregnant and in retrospect, it was good foresight on my part that we would need the break. Being that Dustin and I work opposite schedules, we don't have a lot of time to connect at all so the 6 nights away were good for us. I think we'll be doing this once a year, even just a long weekend.

The funny thing is that although I believe all of that and feel strongly about it, I still feel guilty for leaving Lily. I know she was in perfect hands and at this age, she doesn't even know the difference but I still had a nagging guilty feeling. We missed her so much, it hurt a little. We were able to Skype with her every night (thank God for technology), which was great, and she was so happy with grandma and grandpa. I really need to get over the guilt!

Anyway, the trip....
We had a blast, as usual. This was the first time we stayed in one location, Playa Hermosa just outside of Jaco, and just relaxed. No tours, no wedding, no hiking, just relaxation. Of course, Dustin surfed for about 7 hours a day but that IS his relaxation.

We met a lot of very cool people this trip, mostly from California, as it turned out. Actually, all of the tourists we talked to this time around were from California or Florida, which makes sense because we were in a surfing destination. We met a lot of young families that either own a place down there, already live there or are moving there. Which really got us thinking....
Two things I've wanted to do, for about the past 3 years or so, are 1.) start an event planning business and 2.) move to Costa Rica. The event planning idea has stemmed for my love of organization and planning things in general. The Costa Rica idea is quite obvious. We fell in love with the country from the minute we laid eyes on it. I mention these two things together because I'm trying to find a way to intertwine the two. It would be a big undertaking and we have a lot to think about.

Let's just say this book isn't finished yet.