More than I could chew.

Or, more than WE could chew, I should say.

Stan, our short lived puppy of 3 months, has gone to a better place: My sister-in-law's house. For good.

I knew the first week we had him that he was just too much. He was just so...different. Yes, a puppy is a puppy but Stan was...special. He did not have the normal, expected puppy energy, wanting to go for walks or play frisbee. No, Stan had his own agenda... to make my life a living hell.

Go ahead, those of you reading, and start the judgment now. Go on. Say things like, "there are no bad dogs, just bad owners", and, "PEOPLE need to be the ones trained, not the dogs".  I get it. Dogs are a huge responsibilities and puppies need the work of a newborn human. I've experienced this before, of course, so I truly thought I understood what we were up against. We made a commitment when we got him, yes, I agree. We made the commitment to always do what's best for the dog and what was best was for him not to live here, or I would have eventually killed him.

Stan had massive anxiety resulting from pack confusion. I knew this from the first week we had him. He whined and barked all.of.the.time. when Dustin left the house. Walking, playing, distracting techniques were all failures when trying to stop the behavior. It was constant anxiety. Whining that would turn into barking that was like nails on a chalk board for HOURS. He did not understand who his leader was. He assumed it to be Dustin but because our household has no set structure with work schedules he was constantly trying to figure out his role. I truly began to develop a hatred for this dog, as awful as that sounds. Lily fed off of that and never bonded with that dog at all. She yelled at him as much as I did: "GO AWAY, STAN!!!", "QUIET, STAN", "STAN, NO PEEING IN DA HOUSE. BAD DOGGIE!", ::said with appropriate finger pointing:::.

His behavior went from bad to awful and nothing we were doing was remotely effective. We finally  hired a trainer (too late, in my opinion) who gave us Dog Whisperer type of training techniques, which is when I REALLY lost my marbles. Why? Because the truth is that I am MAXED out. Being a full time working mom, having to travel for work, being in the terrible two's with Lily, tending to two pieces of property, being a landlord...MAXED out. The trainer was great in her own right but, good lord, the training was going to be a TON of work, that would take a TON of time. I knew as she was explaining the undertaking that I couldn't handle it. I say "I" because all of the work fell on my shoulders since I was the one that Stan misbehaved around the most. The dog was stressing me out. I dreaded being home alone with him. I was even getting anxiety and looked forward to traveling for work so I could relax at night. Sad, right?

The day after the trainer came for the initial evaluation, which was Father's Day, I spent the evening in tears. Tears because the dog would not let me sleep at 10pm, barking at the foot of my bed. Tears because I had known for months that we screwed up by making an emotional decision to get this puppy. Tears because I knew that Dustin was attached to this dog (which is why he wasn't gone a couple months ago) and that getting rid of him was going to sting. Tears because, most of all, I just miss Bear. I miss him today like I missed him the day after he died.

I admit it, I was trying to fill in that hole in the house. I wasn't trying to replace Bear. I'm much too intelligent to think that another dog would be at all similar to Bear's personality, but I was trying to just fill a bit of that emptiness. That was not fair to Stan.

Lesson learned.

So, he's living in Tampa with my sister-in-law. She's single, childless, and has a lot of friends with dogs for doggie dates. She has been wanting a dog for awhile and I knew Stan would be a good fit because he needs a home where one person can be his focus. Plus, I noticed her phone screen saver was a picture of Stan weeks before this was even in discussion. It was fate. :)

I am now trying to rid of the guilt over giving him away. I don't like to give up on things, especially living things, obviously. I do feel terrible, but I know it's what's best.

Tonight is the first night alone without him and I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the silence.

Notes to self (and others, for that matter):
- Do not make an emotional decision when it comes to getting a puppy.
- Do not get a puppy when you have a child who is younger than the age of 5.
- Stick with a smarter breed.
- Admit when you've bitten off more than you can chew. It's necessary sometimes.