All grown up.

It's no secret that I married someone 8 years my junior. ::insert any and every cradle robbing/cougar/Mrs. Robinson joke here:::
Psychologically, I am aware that this "says something" about me, and probably about Dustin too. I know this. I was a social work major. I took a lot of psychology classes. I'll leave that to the professionals though.

Completely off topic. Actually, I'm really not sure what the topic is.

Anyway, ever since we started dating 7 years ago, I was always was so quick to defend our relationship by saying, "He's SO mature for his age and I'm immature for mine". Albeit defensive at the time, it was, and still is, absolutely a true statement. Dustin is a bit of an old soul, and I, well, I've always been a bit immature. Not in the "giggle at the word penis" kind, but the...I don't know..."free spirit" and "I still watch MTV" kind?. Not sure that's even an accurate description but if you know me, you know what I mean.

It recently came to my attention that I am kind of a grown up now and I'm trying to figure out how to play this role. This thought occurred to me as I was reading through the 600 sheets of paper that go along with the purchase of our new house. I said to myself, "Holy shit. I am totally pretending to be a grown up. I have no idea what any of this shit means", which lead into the other thoughts of what makes me a "grown up".
I:
-Am 33 years old.
-Am married with a child of my own.
-Will soon own TWO pieces of property.
-Will be a landlord in a little over a month.
-Have a fancy title of "Vice President of Operations" of my company (which basically means, "hand everything to Vanessa and she will take care of it").
-Will soon be up to my eyeballs in debt due to most of the above mentioned. (Isn't that the American way?)

Some will state the obvious and say that none of the above makes me a "grown up", per se,  or possibly throw a cliche at me, such as, "You're only as old as you feel"(or something along those lines), but the truth is that I never have completely accepted that I am an adult.

This delay in realization of adulthood might be because my parents have always done so much for me and always made/make me feel "taken care of", in the emotional sense. Or maybe it's truly just a state of mind. Again, I will leave the psychological stuff to the professionals.

 It's just crazy to sit back and look at my life as a grown up and realize that I have this list of responsibilities. Yes, I've had responsibilities for years but with all of these big decisions I've/we've made these past few years it just feels...different.

It's just such an odd feeling when you actually feel yourself making a transition in life. I suppose I'm actually putting so much thought to it since it makes me realize how my parents prepared me and educated me on how to make decisions in life. There is so much work that goes into molding your child into someone who is prepared for life as an adult.


This all makes me wonder how this feeling will blend into the way I raise Lily (since everything now somehow makes me think of Lily). I wonder if I will try to be the "cool" parent who "hangs out" with their kid, yet still try to instill some responsibility in her? Will I let her get away with murder, like I do now? Will she feel the same way as I do when she is 33?

Regardless, I just hope she isn't in a hurry to grow up. Although beautiful at times, it's well overrated.