Physically challenged.

I'm ashamed of my physical self.

I've never been much of a fitness buff and I am absolutely not an athlete. I never did true sports as a child or an adolescent. I was a pop-warner cheerleader for two years in middle school and I danced for two years on high school. I tried desperately not to break a sweat in either activity. Imagine my disappointment when I had to cheer OUTSIDE in 99 degree Florida summer heat. Hence the reason why I only survived two years of cheer.
Middle school PE was absolutely horrible for me. You know how 99% of kids love PE and it was usually the one "A" on the report card that kids bank on? Yeah, that was not me. I hated it. Our middle school PE geniuses divided us into groups based on our activity levels and abilities. They tested us by running, mostly, which I detested and still detest to this day. We were in group 1, 2, or 3, which was so great for our self-esteem :::eyeroll::: I was always in group 3 with all of the overweight kids, sprinkled with the science kids or book worms that actually enjoyed studying more than they enjoyed physical activity. That was not me either. I was just lazy.

Now, when I say I "danced" in high school what I really mean is that I was on a reject dance team, labeled a "community dance team". It was a dance team created by former high school team dancers (which I was not one of) that were tired of the politics of being affiliated with the football team and dancing on the school's terms. I'm not even sure what those politics were or why there was so much distention, but I was always one to go with the rebellious group so I tried out for the team and I made it...somehow. I still contend my popularity got me on the team, not my dance skills.
It was lead and coached by a school guidance counselor who had a passion for dance. There were some really great dancers on the team, which I was not one of. I'm really not speaking out of low self esteem. I was not good. And I was so lazy.
I remember we attended a dance camp at a local college for three days before my senior year began. We danced alllll day long, each day. We were taught new dances and had to preform them the same evening we were taught in front of a panel of judges. I was the only one on the team that received nothing higher than an "Honorable Mention"for my performances, which was basically a "You're So SO Bad but Thanks for Trying and We Have to Give You Something" ribbon.
And my laziness? I have a video of us doing a dance at a Christmas festival downtown and we did a kick line (think Rockettes). I was the only one who stopped about half way through because I was winded. As in, I stopped performing and just stood in the line while everyone else continued kicking. I have never had endurance and have always been quite lazy.

All of that said, I have always been on the thin side, thanks to genetics. There was a time in middle school that I was somewhat overweight. I started going through puberty and hormones hit me outta nowhere in 7th grade, which is when I packed on some pounds. By the time I hit 9th grade, I gained some height and thinned out. Outside of pregnancy/post pregnancy weight (which happened to fall off within about a year and a half after having Lily) and that couple of years in middle school, I never have weighed over 120lbs.

120lbs looks much, MUCH different at 25 years old than it does at 35. Actually, at 25, I was around 105lbs since I was in the restaurant business, walking probably 5 miles a night. I was much too thin.

But lets talk about now.
I'm 120lbs and 5'7". I'm not unhappy with my weight but I am devastated by my endurance and my muscle tone. My bones look like nothing more than hangers for my skin due to my lack of muscle. I have the negative muscle underneath my bicep and the cottage cheese on my legs is leaking around to the front of my thighs, instead of staying where it should be in the back. I'm just not in good shape.

Today I had an epiphany that I have to do something and it had nothing to do with my image in the mirror.
I have a very large area rug in my living room that I cleaned with a steam cleaning type of machine today. It required me to get on my hands and knees and put some muscle into it. By the time I was half way through my arms were fatigued and I was wanting to take a break. It wasn't more than 25 minutes that passed at that point. I pushed through, embarrassed for myself. It lit a fire under me.

I need to get healthy. At the age of 35 I also have high cholesterol. That's unacceptable. The best shape I have ever been in was about 4 years ago. I was going to yoga 2-3 times a week, doing some light weight lifting a couple  times a week, and fitting about 2-3 hours of cardio in a week. I have always been really consistent about doing cardio but it's not enough. I need to build more muscle and challenge myself. I know I would feel so much better. I have to start pushing myself and finding time to make my health important.

So, it's on. I'm joining a gym and making a schedule.
Tomorrow.
The rug cleaning counts for today, no?

Easter Weekend...

...was filled with...
Coloring eggs...

Jelly bean planting so the Easter Bunny could find us...

 Egg Hunts...

Easter Baskets...

Cooking and eating lots of food...

Post tantrum calmness...

Playing with family...

Dancing with Donald...

And last but not least, Bop's 63rd birthday...

It was a good weekend.

I need to start blogging in the morning.

I cannot even believe it's been over a month since my last post. I say that often, right?

You know how your mom always told you, "If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say it at all"? Well, that's why I've had so much lag time between posts lately. Sure, I'm busy but truth be told, the majority of what is really in my heart to write about lately...I just can't over the interwebs. I hate to be so cryptic but...

Here's what I will say:

It's still a man's world, no matter how we would like to believe it isn't. It just is and that pisses me off. Being a business woman in a man's world is...interesting.

It isn't that I don't have wonderful things happening in my life, because I definitely do, but I've figured out the problem to be that I blog at night- you know, after the trials and tribulations of the day to day have ran their course and I am just...well...tired and ready to zone out to Friends episodes (because they just never stop being funny). I need to start blogging in the mornings, with a fresh start and a clear mind.

I can say that February flew by at warped speed.

My mom and I went to San Francisco for 3 nights, which was the highlight of my February. I had a work meeting and decided to treat my mom for her 60th birthday (60?!) and had her join me since I knew I would have some down time. We had such a great time. It was our first mother-daughter trip- ever!

San Fran is a quirky city, much bigger than I thought it would be. The food is excellent and the cable cars are.awesome. We walked around Fisherman's Wharf and Ghiarrdelli Square, had chowder, stayed in Chinatown, ate at our first Vietnamese infused restaurant, saw bison lounging in a park, had the best cabbie tour guide take us around, went down "the crookedest street", and were about 20 feet away from the Golden Gate bridge and couldn't even see it because of the fog. It was such a fun trip and exactly what I wanted to experience with my mom. I hope to be able to do this again with her soon.

So, we meet again, spring time.
Florida did not see a winter this year so it feels strange to even acknowledge that the season has changed, but I'm glad it has. We have a lot to look forward to in the next few months: Toy Story 3 on Ice (Lily's first time to a show like this!), birthday parties, a weekend trip to Chicago for a wedding, and Lily's THIRD birthday.
Bring it on, spring.

Reverse Bucket List

Bucket lists seem to be en vogue. There is even a show on Discovery or National Geographic, or one of those channels that I don't watch, on the topic. It seems that ever since that terribly depressing movie, "The Bucket List",  with Jack Nicholson portraying a dying older-than-middle-aged man, people have been making and talking about what their Bucket Lists consists of.

Me? I don't have one. There are plenty of things I would love to do and places I would love to see but I don't feel inclined to write them down. I really don't want to be 82, pull out this list, and realize that I didn't accomplish much. It just seems like setting myself up for failure in some ways. Pessimistic?

Anyway, what I do have is a Reverse Bucket List. I post frequently in a forum, where my FIFs are, and someone posted about the reverse bucket list. It's made up of the things that you've already accomplished in life. Things that you're proud of. Things that others may not know about you. Things that may even make others a little envious. Things that may seem menial to others but are big accomplishments to you. I suppose it's a brag list but it was so fun to think about.

Here is my list, in no particular order, all since the age of 18....

• Completed over 1000 hours of volunteer hours in college.
• Graduated from Florida State University with honors.
• Was thrown in the Wescott Fountain on FSU's campus on my 21st birthday.
• Worked in the Social Work field.
• Have bought 3 properties so far, still owning two of them.
• Had a destination wedding.
• ATV'd in the mountains in Costa Rica, seeing amazing mountain towns, mountain tops, and beautiful waterfalls.
• Saw lava flow from an active volcano in Costa Rica.
• Baked a human being.
• Survived child birth with a failed epidural and semi-serious pre-eclampsia.
• Hiked with my toddler in the Costa Rican rain forest.
• Zip-lined in Costa Rica.
• Have traveled to San Diego (numerous times), Mexico, Dallas, San Antonio, New Jersey, Miami, Orlando, the Bahamas, and flying to San Francisco as I type, all thanks to my career.
• Been to San Diego Zoo twice.
• Raised a dog from a puppy.
• Fostered several dogs from a rescue.
• Survived an infant with colic/silent reflux.
• Experienced all that is good, bad, evil, awful, joyful, amazing in raising a toddler.

I know there is more and I'm skipping some, generalizing others, but those are the things that came to mind. I just loved, loved, loved thinking about all that I'm proud of. In life, we tend to be negative and focus on what we want to do, and where we want to go, wishing our lives away (or at least I tend to). Compiling this list made me feel proud and fortunate. It's amazing to say I have done so many fun and brave things in life.

I would love to read others Reverse Bucket Lists, so if you have a blog and you'd like to share, please do.

Fashion (non)Sense

I have no fashion sense. I was clearly born without the gene. To be honest, I don't even like to shop. I'm the one that likes to go for what I need and if I can't find it, I give up quickly. I just don't have the patience. Or, I'll go, with intentions to buy work clothes and end up with a ridiculous amount of clothes for Lily, simply because it's easy and fun to buy her clothes.

Even more shocking to most females, I HATE buying shoes. Hate. I will see a cute pair of shoes, pick them up and think to myself, "what would I wear these with?", which is when my brain goes on overload and shuts off, quickly dismissing the sale of the shoe. I get overwhelmed with not having the right outfit to match the shoes and the mere thought of finding something to match, OMG! Too.much.thinking. So, my closet is filled with black and brown shoes- flip flops and 2 pair of work shoes.

On top of the lack of fashion sense, I am also cheap when it comes to clothing myself. I don't think I have ever spent more than $40-$50 on an article of clothing, or shoes, I insist of making $100 go far. I will absolutely adore a pair of shorts but if they're marked $42, it's a no go. I'm too practical.
I also will not buy anything that has to be dry cleaned. Or ironed. (I just went from practical to lazy in two sentences.) I once bought a pant suit from Banana Republic on super-duper clearance and it ended up in the Goodwill bag a couple years later, after wearing it about 5 times, because it was dry clean only. I washed and dried it. The pants, of course, ended up to be clam diggers, which, apparently, is out of style now?

With the help of Pinterest, I have recently been inspired to become more fashionable. Or try to, at least. I see all of these great, trendy outfits, complete with accessories and shoes, and I want them. I want to be able to put an outfit together, other than a t-shirt, jeans, and flip flops, or black pants with a gray shirt for work, complete with my 5 year old black pumps.

Not being able to afford the trendy "pinned" outfits in their entirity, i decide to try my hand at being fashionable. So, I went on a mission today. I went with intent. I was going to find some cute, trendy clothes. Clothes that screamed that I know how to out an outfit together AND
that didn't look cheap.

After an hour and a half in the mall and an hour in Kohl's, I left with.... A pair of black pants, a pair of gray pants, a black shirt, a pair of black flats, and a pair of neutral flats.

Fail. Sigh. I give up.

Anyone want to dress me?

3 Christmases.

At 7 months, 2009...

At a year and a half, 2010...

At two and a half, 2011...

We had another beautiful Christmas filled with food, family, friends, and more presents than necessary. Lily really started to grasp the concept this year. She understood who Santa is and that he was going to leave presents. She LOVED the whole idea of opening presents, of course, but she also loved the fact that we all got to open presents. She would deliver a present to one of us and say something like, "And one for you, mom!! OPEN IT!!!".

It was so much fun and I can honestly say that Christmas is magical now. She is the only child that we've ever had in our family, so I've never experienced the holidays through the eyes of a little one. It's amazing.
I don't use this word often but I feel very blessed to have Lily and just to have this life in general. Lily continues to teach me so much and make my life...well...magical.

Christmas is in less than 6 days? Oh really?

You would think with all of this spare time I have that I would make some blog posts. Pfffftttttttt.

I don't have much spare time. And when I do, I'm sleeping. I miss spare time.

I'm not complaining. Really, I'm not. I love being busy, but I do wish I just had a couple extra hours in the day. Since my kid goes to bed at 9-9:30 every night, as opposed to the old 7-7:30, I usually go right to bed, too. Man, life is so different with a child. I still can't get over that sometimes.

Thanksgiving came and went like a blur. We had a great dinner at my in-law's house. No commotion, no tantrums, no drama, just dinner. It was lovely.

We then attempted our own photo shoot, after a Black Friday JCPenney Studio photo fail. Ok, maybe it wasn't a complete fail since we rendered this beauty out of the deal:

She has quite the personality. She did this unprompted just to be cute.
Aaaaand since that's the only picture worth anything out of that deal, we decided to take Lily to this field near our house:

And take these pictures that my friend Jessie edited:

Then, the next weekend was our Ugly Christmas Sweater party. 1st annual. It was fun and I think might become a tradition!

Finally, this past weekend, we were a part of our friends', Danny and Kendra's, wedding. Danny was a high school friend of Dustin's, a surfing buddy, and Kendra and I became really close over these past couple of years. They came to our Costa Rica wedding and we just fell in love with them as a couple. We knew this day would come for them. It was a great beach wedding, on a perfect day, with a fun reception to follow. Could not have asked for a better day...

Which brings us to this week- Christmas week- with all of the hustle and bustle that comes along with it. Work is super crazy busy, still have a present or two to buy, all the gifts have to be wrapped, and Christmas Eve dinner menu has to be figured out. I love the overall feeling of these last few days before Christmas every year. There is a certain energy that is just...fun.

I promise that one of these posts will have more substance than just boring updates that can be seen on Facebook. I really would love to get back to actually writing posts with some thought behind them. Perhaps a New Year's resolution....among others.