So much, yet so little.

We have been so busy around here...but I can't really tell you why. Not because it's top secret or anything, I just really can't pinpoint what we're so busy doing!

One thing that is definitely noteworthy is the weekend that my husband just gave me.

To back up a minute, we were supposed to be in Cancun this weekend with my company. Once a year my boss treats us to a weekend away somewhere. We went on a cruise a couple years ago, last year was Cabo (which I also missed) and this year was Cancun. It was in the works for months and Dustin and I were originally really excited about it.
Long story short: child care, schedules, family members having to be moved...all got in the way. I really didn't want to leave Lily for 3 nights again anyway, so I was more than ok with it.

Instead, Dustin planned a short weekend away...
We headed out at 9am for our massage appointments at our favorite spa in Sarasota. After that, we headed to Selby Gardens to walk around a bit. It is so gorgeous there...

Then we went to check into the Ritz...

This was our view. Yes, fancy! I had never stayed in a Ritz before and to be honest, I wouldn't spend that kind of money again. It was nice, but not shockingly different from any other hotel we've stayed in.

Then we headed to Ritz's portion of Lido beach...

Then we went to get some appetizers...

After a nap, we went out to dinner...

Then Dustin surprised me with...

Which was so unexpected and thoughtful.
Of course, we couldn't wait to get home this morning so we ate a quick breakfast and jetted out at 9:30am!
It was a perfect weekend. Dustin and I needed that reconnection in the worst way.
I know there isn't a lot of substance to this post but I needed to share, ok, brag about, my amazing weekend. I am a very lucky girl to have such an amazing husband.

Dear Lily,

You are one whole year old.

I have sat down several times to write this but cannot seem to put into words how I feel. I'm trying desperately not to fill this with too much sappiness or cliches, but I'm finding it so difficult! I cannot even begin to describe what this last year has brought to me and how you've enriched my life.

When you were first born, people would ask me all of the time, "Did you ever imagine you could love somebody so much?". I suppose the expected answer is "No, I never imagined" but for me, from the moment I held you, it was like you were always here. It was like we were instant soul mates and you made my life make sense. It was like I knew you my whole life, loved you my whole life and needed you to be here, it just so happened that I waited until May 15, 2009 for this to happen.

There were plenty of things that I did not imagine though...
What I couldn't have imagined is the amount of emotion that you would evoke from me. I cannot tell you how many moments in your first year that you made me cry tears of joy. You make me laugh like no one else can, too.  Your laugh is still as infectious as it was the first time I heard it at 4 months, and I still cry every time you get the giggles and can't control yourself.

I also could not have imagined the bond that we would create in this past year. A bond between a mom and her first child is unbelievable and something that took me by surprise. I understand your needs now, I hurt when you hurt, I miss you when we're apart, even while you're sleeping, I understand your baby language...and you, you need me when you're hurting, you look for me when I'm in another room, you understand me.

I could not have imagined how you would grow in one year. From a helpless, dependent newborn who slept her way through her first 2 weeks of life, into a growing, independent toddler who knows exactly what she wants and is usually too busy to sleep, all in one year. All the milestones that happened in your first year: smiling at 6 weeks, rolling over at 3.5 months, sitting up at 6 months, crawling at 8 months, clapping your hands, growing 12 teeth, dancing, mimicking....it was such an amazing experience to be a part of.

Lastly, I could not have imagined how unbelievably emotional I became as your first birthday approached. It's something I can't really explain but I can only hope that you will experience someday. I just could not believe that my precious little baby, who at one time found everything she needed inside of my belly, was turing a year old. As the day was approaching, I felt excited, joyous, happy, yet sad because you're getting so big. I can only imagine how I will feel the day you go off to kindergarten, or better yet, drive away for the first time.

We threw you a party on your birthday, something that I was excited about doing from the day you were born. Remember, on the day you were born, I wasn't feeling well and daddy did a lot of the work caring for you. I felt that I missed a lot that day, even if it was only a few hours. So, on your first birthday, I made it my mission for it to be the second best day of my life, next to the day you were born. I wanted to be present, in the moment, and full of energy that I could put into you. It was more than I could have hoped for...

You were an angel on your first birthday. You slept in that morning until almost 9am, only waking at 7 to have a bottle. You soaked in all of the attention. You weren't a ham, you were just content with 35 people watching you eat your lunch, singing you Happy Birthday and then watching you eat cake. You were passed around from person to person and then you even napped for an hour. You sat and opened your presents with me, for most of the time. You were just a happy little girl, basking in the love and attention. It was almost as if you knew it was your day. It was a perfect day.

It was overwhelming to me to see all of the love that people have for you. How many people gave up their Saturday to come and spend it with you, and even those that could not be here poured their love into you with phone calls, cards and gifts. You are so loved by so many people and such a lucky little girl to have the friends and family that we have. Having you has given me a newfound respect and love for the people that are in our lives and love us so much. We are so very, very blessed.

You are no longer a infant, Lily. You are now my toddler. You have a personality all your own. An amazing, fun, strong, loving personality. You had a great first year of life and you gave me a new perspective on mine. I can't wait to see what the years ahead will bring to us.

Although you are growing by leaps and bounds, you will forever be my baby.

I love you,
Mommy

My First Mother's Day

It was amazing, even with my screaming baby. Actually, the screaming just solidified the fact that Mother's Day is a much needed holiday to celebrate the challenges and triumphs that come with being a mother.

My husband got me a couple dozen gorgeous lilies, Lily got me a Pandora charm bracelet like this one, only without those charms:

but she did get me this charm:

and I love it.

Dustin had to work a long shift so in the morning we went to my in-law's for breakfast.  My dad joined us too to love on Lily. Here is the only picture of Lily and I were she isn't trying to push me away (although you can see the elbow to my chin. Diva):

Then, the rest of the day was just relaxing. We took Lily to the pool in my mom's community (soon to be our community too):

Auntie Nicole and Ty met us there too, which was really fun to celebrate our first Mother's Day together:

I'm bummed that I didn't get a picture with my mom, Lily and I. I never think of these things in the moment! 

It was a very special day to me. If you've ever heard that you don't truly appreciate your mother until you have kids of your own, it's definitely true. I always have love, respected and appreciated my mom, obviously, but this last year has really taught me about what my mom means to me. She always handled motherhood with such grace and simplicity. She cooked, cleaned, worked, was able to be a friend, confidant, support system...just an amazing mom. Now, to celebrate Mother's Day with her, as a mom myself, is something special. 

It was a great day. 

Randoms

• I have been too emotional with Lily's birthday coming up to make a post that makes sense and isn't too sappy.
• I had a beautiful first Mother's Day and the rest of the weekend was beautiful too. I WILL post about this sometime this week.
• I am so stinkin excited for Lily's party.
• My job is keeping me on my toes and so, so busy.
• I have been sticking to my "down time" plan, for the most part...except for doing housework at night. Aside from folding some laundry, I just don't have it in me.
• I have been doing yoga at least 3-4 times a week...now, if I could just balance some more cardio into my workouts, I might actually start loosing a few pounds like I want to. 
• I am not good at watching my diet at.all.
• Lily has more teeth coming in. She has 10 established and it appears that 4 more are coming soon. God hates me.
• I have a feeling that my child is going to be a challenging toddler and I will continue to eat my words about "how to be the perfect mother". 
• Supporting story to the last thought: We went to Wal-Mart today to get birthday party supplies. The child was getting hungry. Grandma promptly ran and got some string cheese and clearly could not feed it to her fast enough, This was evident by the screeching and half crying/screaming she was doing in between bites. Diva.
• Lily loves the pool.
• I like to use caps for emphasis and people often times think I am "yelling" text at them. A lot gets lost in typed translation.
• I was tagged in my friend Nicolasa's  blog post a few days ago and want to get to this soon.
• I always dread any kind of workout, but never feel bad about doing it afterward so I have been using that as motivation.
• Our new house will hopefully be completed in 2-3 months!
• We NEED (emphasizing) to find renters. 3br, 2bath, 1 car garage in Venice. Put the word out.
• Time for yoga.

Hide the Puffs!

Last Tuesday, I took Lily to her first play group. It was called "Baby Rhyme and Sign", open for ages 0-2.5 years. It was a free class offered at out local library designed to encourage young children to learn simple sign language and sing. Very cool class.

I really didn't know what to expect, as far as behavior was concerned, from Lily. She isn't really old enough to be a complete disruption but I was a little afraid that she might be scared of other kids, or at least apprehensive. Definitely not the case.

There were about 20 other kids with their caregivers. Lily sat back and soaked it all in at first but when the music started, Lily was all over it. She was dancing and clapping and wanted to touch every kid that crossed her path.

During the 10 minute open reading time, she respectfully sat in my lap and read with me. Then during the 10 minute open play time, she crawled around, stole a couple toys interacted with others, learned to share a little and then played independently. I didn't have my camera, just my phone, so this was the only picture I captured:

This was taken right after the toddler whacked her in the face with a beach pail. Surprisingly, Lily didn't cry, she just gave that girl the stink eye. Oh, and the lady standing to the left, a grandma that was infatuated with the red hair. She must have asked me 30 questions about it. Lady, it's genetics, that's all I can tell you.
Little people were rummaging through my purse and Lily's Puffs, or "baby crack" as they're called, were stolen a couple of times. 

A funny thing occurred to me as I sat back and watched Lily in the group. It was one of those "holy shit" moments, yet also an indescribable feeling.... I am a mom. A mom in a group with all these other moms.
Yes, I know, this is obvious and should have occurred to me at least once over the last 11.5 months, and it has, but not like this. For some reason, I welled up with tears of joy a couple times on this day, during this 45 minutes. Not that this was the first time that I welled up with tears of joy either but for some reason it was a defining moment in my short stint with motherhood. I pinned this feeling down to "Wow, my baby is growing up and I am helping her to become a person. She's not just a baby". She was clapping and dancing and laughing with other kids, it was just so cute and amazing. I realized just how much fun I am having getting to know her.

And about those Puffs...
When I went up to the front of the room to return a toy, the facilitator of the group said to me, "I noticed you brought Puffs. You might want to hide them or even leave them in the car. They seem to be a hot commodity around here".
Rookie mistake.

Embracing Down Time.

It's funny, even though I'm so busy with work, baby and life, when I think about it, I actually do have down time now that I don't utilize very well. I'm sure we all do this but it really just hit me in the past week or two that I can really be inefficient at time management, if that's even the correct term.
This is going to come off as though I being pretty harsh on myself and I DO recognize that I am not a lazy person, but we all have room for improvement, right?

Lily goes to bed between 6-6:30pm every night. We start her nighttime "routine" around 5:15ish (yes, I have eaten my words about schedules. I'll save that for a later post) and once she is in bed, she's usually down for a solid 12 hours. We've worked SO hard to make that happen and it is a glorious thing indeed. It gives me peace and quiet, especially since Dustin works 5 nights a week. Not that I prefer that he works nights, but it does give me "me" time.

Yet, here I sit at 9pm, un-showered for the day, 5 loads of separated laundry in my room, a full dishwasher, and I won't even begin to list the things I could clean....yet, here I sit. It's like I go brain dead at sundown now. I don't even answer many phone calls during time, or cook for my working husband ::gasp!::. I'm shocked at my own laziness sometimes!

Why is this? Sure, I'm tired, but why then don't I go to bed at 9pm instead of 11:30 or 12?Other moms run rings around me and still manage to be in bed by 10pm!

This is what I do during said down time: I internet, watch TV, eat dinner, text message, do an ab workout every night and recently started doing yoga from a free program On Demand (THANK YOU VERIZON FIOS!!!1), so I am doing something...but nothing really productive.

So, the point....
I'm working on some goals for this down time:

• Obviously, one of those goals is to work on my fitness level. I want to lose 10lbs and tone up. I have 2 beach vacations coming up, one in June and one in September, and I want to try shape up this spare tire. I will try to devote 45-90 minutes of physical activity in the evenings.
• I want to attempt to have my family eat healthier. Now that my kid eats adult food, this has been a bigger deal then it ever was. We aren't terrible eaters by any means but we were eating out a ton and we don't eat anything but carbs very balanced meals. We have have cut back on eating take out (sorry, Outback to-go girl) and I have been cooking once or twice a week. My goal is to make that more consistent and more well balanced. 
• I am going to attempt to do one household chore a night, whether it's wiping down the chair rail or sweeping the garage, it's ridiculous that I sit here and ignore these easy things. 
• Eventually, I would like to add crafting to the mix. Scrapbooking isn'y my thing but I would like to do some type of hobby/crafting to put my mind to better use.
• Read. I have the third installment of the Twilight series sitting on my nightstand....where it's been for about 6 months. Again, brain activity would be good.

Now, if someone would just hold me accountable for these things....

Happy Birthday Dad!

61!!!

We love you! Lily is so, so, so lucky to have you. She doesn't love anyone more than grandpa! 

Thank you for being such an awesome grandpa and dad. You're the best....